Worst Christmas Songs Ever

English: Model Mayra Veronica sings "Sant...

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One of the local radio stations has been playing Christmas music since early November. Not that there was a rush to beat because most of the stations in the Edmonton area shun holiday tunes before the week before or even the day of Christmas. Edmontonians are not big on the genre.

The station in question is an easy listening slash pop rock venue. Nothing that offends or taxes the ears. Just background music for the retail or office space. But they have one of the most limited Christmas playlists I think I have ever encountered and it includes the dreadful Beach Boy’s Little Saint Nick, Jose Felicano’s 70’s earworm,  Felice Navidad, Dean Martin’s Marshmallow World and the worst Christmas song ever – Santa Baby, the Eartha Kitt version.

I am being subjective when I single out Santa Baby because I know that country music has its own offense to the genre with the tear-jerkers written about dead moms at yuletide, but the only other Christmas song that comes close to the sheer materialistic whoring of Santa Baby for awfulness would be Baby, It’s Cold Outside with its creepy seduction meets quasi date rape theme. Not that the latter can’t be a tiny bit charming depending on who is singing it, but Santa Baby is always a song about a woman whoring herself to a sugar daddy no matter who sings it.

The local station plays it every effing hour, and that is not an exaggeration. I can almost tell where the minute hand is based on the songs that pop up in rotation. It’s gotten to the point where either Dee or Rob will chortle madly when it comes on and say,

“They’re playing your favourite song!”

On the way into town today, we were stuck listening to the pop-rock Christmas carol channel because Dee has finally come into her tweener tunes taste and Rob remarked,

“I’ve got to dig around and find the old Christmas cd’s because I can’t take much more of this.”

And I agreed. I grew up on carols of which many where religiously influenced. Despite the “war on Christmas” proponents insistence that the holiday is more secular than not anymore, the fact remains that it is a religiously influenced holiday from paganism to Christianity, the holiday is not devoid of spiritual roots. Even Santa has his start in “saint”.

In the meantime, I continue to grit my teeth and gird my eardrums.

10 thoughts on “Worst Christmas Songs Ever

    1. Eartha Kitt can actually carry the tune (one of the very few) but it has such grasping, negative female undertones that it makes my ears just about bleed to hear it.

  1. I prefer Madonna’s version a tiny bit more because it sounds like she is just being saucy, while Eartha Kitt literally sounds like she is selling herself. But I don’t care much for the song at all.

    1. I would have to disagree with you. I can’t stand Madonna’s version of Santa Baby. It’s too whiney!! I like Eartha Kitt’s better

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