Who Can I Offend Today?

It seems my ranting about mammas who rant got me unfriended on Facebook. Between my pruning and my offensive nature, I will soon be left with just family and that is the realm of the truly uncool.

I think I must have slipped in a whole truth or two about family recently because my sister-in-law unfriended me too. Not the lousy one. The other one.

And in other social networking news, I have greatly annoyed an old high school chum who has grown up to be someone who would have made a great next door neighbor for my parents. Passionately to the right on nearly any topic you’d care to name. My feed must be an eyesore to this friend.

I rated a mention over at Ye Ole Widda Board the other day in the old timers quarters. A friend, thank goodness, who confessed to still peeking at my blog in her five year update. The goddess must have been smiling because no one noticed me and I wasn’t ridiculed or barbecued in absentia – though you can be perfectly present and roasted for the titillation of others while the multitude stands by as silent as collaborators. A recent perusal of the main forum there revealed another posse had run someone out-of-town. And good riddance to non-conforming grief too.

Mostly this week I have been memoir writing. A project that is sure to offend in-laws but possibly my own family too. In earlier drafts/attempts I tried to keep my point of view as non-committal as possible on the subject of those I didn’t care for or when I was recounting events where I was simply left to sink or swim, but in its current incarnation, my memoir is not holding back that much. I am not trying to be mean, but honest observation is sometimes painful.

So four chapters and probably closing to the point of having caught 20,000 words.

Yesterday was the chapter on Will’s final hours. It was ouchie to say the least possible. Another two chapters of widowhood, which won’t sting as much because I was mourning myself more than him rather early on in the process and then on to the rediscovery of joy, love and regrouping. Nicer though not always easy times.

Which brings me to something. While catching up with my bloggy friend as she shared what’s been going on in the last year, I noted that there were several other four and five year updates. So I read them too. It shouldn’t have surprised me but a senior widow or two managed to slip a snarky line in here and there because if there is one thing on the Ye Olde Widda Board that just don’t fly – it’s remarried widowed folk who grieve out loud. Maybe it’s jealousy. There are one or two I might comfortably accuse of that, but I think it is more that they just don’t want to know that there isn’t a magic pill that makes it all go away. They give lip service to the idea that grief is lifelong really, but they don’t really want to believe it. The remarrieds are proof that there is no “all better now”. Who wants that knowledge?

Today is a PD day at Dee’s school, so we are out and about having some of that quality time together I read about on the mommy blogs. Library, shopping for a new skating helmet and lunch with Rob.

TGIF, people!

8 responses to “Who Can I Offend Today?

  1. I decided long ago that it is a compliment to my self-expression and confidence any time someone unfollows me.

    You don’t like me? I’d probably effing hate you.
    You can’t handle what I have to say? You are probably weak with a shaky belief system that can’t handle opposition.

    So kudos, for you, for speaking from your heart and giving the world a piece of your mind.

    It probably helps, of course, that I agreed with each word you wrote…

    • If you blog it, someone might riff off it and they might (gasp) disagree. Mommy bloggers are not looking for dialogue and debate, they want the cyber version of girlfriends who “yes” them even when they are being stupid.

  2. You are making real progress on the memoir. It seems that you are able to work out a lot of the feelings as you go along, which sounds healthy. Glad to hear you had some fun planned for the week-end.

  3. i was quite surprised, after posting some mildly racy pictures from a halloween party on facebook, that i didn’t have anyone unfriend me from facebook… it was a bash raising money for the regional AIDS Resource Council, and if photos of me gettin’ my groove on with nearly naked dancing boys didn’t do it, i thought the fact that i was supporting the homo lifestyle would have had a few of the uber-rights sneaking out the door… but so far? they’re still hanging around…

    as for the old crabby widows? i really don’t get it… maybe because i’ve never been there, but just like the ‘mommy wars’, i do not understand bashing alternate approaches to life, just to support your own…

    • I don’t think it’s crabbiness. I got to thinking more about it after I’d published this last night. It’s a mix of fear – that there really is no point at which the pain of loss goes away or submits to management (for a control freak this is a horror) – and it’s partly the need to validate one’s self. People, generally, can’t stand being different. I noticed this when I was teaching and have found it to be true of adults as well. Conformity is all. And when you throw in circumstances that upend you emotionally, it’s even more important. But it’s not confined to the widows. The mommy blogger who dumped me is an example of the need to seek like mindedness in times of stress.

      I loved your photos. And I don’t see people being as openly homophobic as when I was in college or first teaching. It’s still there – like racism or sexism. I think if we could just get same sex marriage approved everywhere, it would fade even more. It’s all about conformity.

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