It’s Not Allowed but I still Miss My Dad

I feel a bit self-conscious today knowing my front page is still linked at the widow board and according to the “rules” a dead parent is not worthy of grieving. At least that is what I am sure they will say when they mock me today.

“Aw, poor baby, her daddy is dead. Like that matters as much as one’s spouse.”

I was talking with my Auntie last night. She was telling me about the family plans for Thanksgiving. Everyone at Mom’s house. It’s just Mom’s house now. Nephew1 is coming up from the River Town with his father and grandmother and his dad’s younger brother. They are bringing one of those deep fryers to do up a bird on the back patio. Dad would have loved it though he’d have grumbled because he hated trying new things. I think because he always ended up liking them in spite of himself and his set in stone Virgo ways.

DNOS, BrotherInLaw and Nephew2 will be there too. Mom or Auntie will have those dinner rolls that DNOS loves so. It’s not a holiday dinner at the folks’ without those rolls. Just one folk now.

I reminded Auntie it was the 27th.

“Yes, I remember. It’s your Uncle Irv’s two months as well. His kids are keeping him busy.”

I should have known Auntie would remember. She never forgot any of the anniversaries with Will either. She knows care-taking and sadness intimately despite never being married herself. It’s not a deal breaker when it comes to grief regardless what the “rules” say.

On Saturday she told me they were all going up to Cousin Bee’s. She was hosting the Turkey Day Do for the R family. My Uncle Fran had ten children. Holidays are huge gatherings that clog the surrounding neighborhoods with vehicles. 

We have Thursday today. Our Thanksgiving was a month ago. I talked to Dad that day and wished him a Happy Canadian Thanksgiving. He found that interesting. He thought a lot of my new life was interesting. And he was proud of me, especially my writing. He’d only read the piece I’d written about St. Therese. He looked at me afterward and back at the paper as though he couldn’t quite connect me with the words on the page. But he was proud. I know that look in his eyes because I didn’t get it often enough to mistake it for anything else.

He would have liked to read the pieces that were picked up for syndication, but those happened after his cancer diagnosis, and the cancer went too quickly. I didn’t even find out about the second article being picked up until the day after he died. The third piece was only picked up last week. 

Today is just Thursday for me. Only Thanksgiving for everyone at home. And one month without my Dad. But everyday just before my daughter’s bus brings her home from school, I think, “It’s time to call Dad and check on him.” But it’s not allowed.

9 responses to “It’s Not Allowed but I still Miss My Dad

  1. I am sorry for your loss, you are human and you are entitled to grieve.

    Be kind to yourself and ignore the small minded.

    Thanks, Pammy.

  2. Nice piece.

    And screw ’em.

    And I’m glad you still have a relationship with your dad- I wish it was two-way, as I’m sure you do.

    Thanks and thanks for posting on that thread too. I knew if anyone would stick up for me there, you would. I really appreciate it. And you’re right, fuck ’em.

  3. Happy Thanksgiving

    & every day just before your daughter’s bus brings her home from school give thanks for who your dad was–& who your daughter is–& for your life which links these people you love.

    Thank you. I appreciate your commenting. Happy day to you too.

  4. No matter what stupidity says, a loved one missed is a loved one missed. Grieve as much as your heart needs to grieve. Damned be those who say you aren’t allowed. We’ll see if they still feel that way one day when they too pass and their children are left with the decision to grieve or not.

    Be well. Happy Thanksgiving from the US.

    Thanks friend.

  5. Don’t be ridiculous! Of course, you’re allowed to grieve your father’s passing. Especially on the holiday. Welcome to the human race, Annie.

    I don’t question. I am just telling you what people over at the YWBB will say today about me when the dogpile starts up again. They are allowed any excess their grief moves them to but God forbid anyone object or point out their fallacy or hypocrisy. Grief is their permission to hurt others with impunity. Thank you for your support though.

  6. Ann, You ARE ALLOWED in my book. I miss my dad so much. It is still getting worse and not better. It is great that you continue to write about your Dad. Don’t stop doing that. And keep remembering that he was proud of you. He would have been a fool not to have been, and from what you’ve written about your dad, he was clearly no fool.
    Happy Thursday and Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!

    Thanks for stopping by and for your supportive words. I hope you are having a great day too!

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