A recent headline story at MSNBC that discussed the downside of plastic surgery and other medical beauty enhancers and age “restoratives” got me thinking, yet again, about the fact that I am approaching fifty. There is a great line in the film When Harry Met Sally about turning forty when the Sally character wails to Harry that she is going to be forty soon and when he reminds her that this “soon” is still eight years off she replies, “But its out there.” And I think probably every woman understood what she meant. Old looms for women in a way that it doesn’t for men. And it’s not that men aren’t judged physically – they are – but more in terms of weight and fitness than for getting older with its requisite wrinkles and hair loss. Women are condemned for it all. The loss of skin tone. The weight gain. The wrinkles. The graying hair. Mainly just for the fact that we can’t stay twenty. Although seriously, who wants to stay twenty? Aside from the youthful appearance and stamina, there is the larger issue of the lack of common sense and wisdom that only life and experience can bring. Speaking for myself only, I would not trade who I am and what I know to be the twenty year old girl I was again.
Still women, many of them, will try just about anything within their budgeted grasp (and a few beyond) to keep the obvious signs of age at bay. The trouble is that anymore these methods of age eradication are too easy for the average person to spot which leaves them not marveling at the woman’s youthful appearance but trying to guess just how old she really is.
Botox is a curious thing. It’s poison really, but it is used to paralyze facial muscles which has the effect of smoothing wrinkles. The dangers were supposedly minimal but the most recent studies have found that contrary to what doctors who use botox have told patients, the toxin can and does cross the brain’s blood barrier. So in addition to a smooth, expressionless face, a person is also exposing brain tissue to a deadly toxin. Who knew? Well not the people who touted Botox as some miraculous fountain of faux youth, and they really should have. Known that is. It’s not as though patients need to be wrinkle free to make it through a day as opposed to say migraine sufferers who also receive injections of Botox as a form of preventative treatment. If a person were to weigh the benefits against the risk, which group of people are taking the bigger chance?
We women bear some of the responsibility for this obsession. We willingly support industries which hack none to subtly at our self-images. We buy the magazines, the cosmetics and the hair dye. We diet or jump on every exercise bandwagon to roll by or swallow dubious pills that tout even more dubious results. I don’t know that we can be entirely blamed though. Would we know that we should be unhappy with aging if the end result – being marginalized – were not so evident in our culture?
I admit I highlight my hair to hide the loss of pigment (I can’t call it graying because the strands are snow-white), but I haven’t succumbed to a full on dye because I know I am too lazy to maintain something like that. And I exercise but this stems back to my fat pre adult teen years when I was “such a pretty face”. The trauma lingers. I also have a pretty strict diet though this owes nearly entirely to my food allergies and loss of gallbladder than a love of self-deprivation. So am I part of the the problem? Fifty looms – five and a half years – and I can’t say that the idea is welcome or repugnant at this point. I really don’t know what I will look like by then though I am sure that my husband will still find my bum luscious though I doubt that I will be attracting any whistles from the population at large (though interestingly I did get a whistle while running last week at the gym – not bad for forty-four.)
Youth is best left to the young. The rest of us might be better off redefining what beauty looks like at 40 or 50 and beyond rather than letting the standards be set for us. Or better yet, we might try focusing on things that are real aging issues like maintaining our health and our minds.
anniegirl1138 
The hair dye thing is something that came up in an article I read o women and aging as something that we have and our grandmothers really didn’t and it has made a huge difference in what is perceived as “old” anymore. Without coloring most women past 30 or 35 would be gray or graying and could we pull off “youth” then? Probably not.
hi annie
I am fast approaching 50 (although it pains me to say that age)
I have noticed a body change since I hurtled past 45, but accept ‘hey I am not 21 anymore’.. I am a past mid 40s gal.. I don’t feel 21 I feel Circa late 30s. I have lived, loved and raised my child and have all the knowledge that comes with that.
Yes Ok my boobs have dropped a little …. after all these years as they would do…. yes I have a few more lines on my face than I had before but that is natural ! and my figure is me and I have the figure I have.. a curvy size 14 (UK) .. I have lumps ad bumps … hey yes I am not 21!! Your skin changes .. it needs daily body butter if you can bothered or have the time
But OMG I dye my hair 🙂 I am not giving gracefully on that one lol
Annie, great topic!
I love to see faces that get older, that show the person has lived, the contours fading and becoming softer. It’s nice to look at.
I don’t really mind getting older. I don’t think I’d ever consider botox, I just think it’s scary, and knowing the people who use it, they didn’t get more beautiful or younger looking from it.
I do dye my hair, have been doing that since I turned grey in my twenties. I enjoy changing the color now and then, just for the fun of it.
Having seen so many people dieing way too young, I realize it’s a privilage to grow old.
Tanja
Daisy, thanks for stopping by. I see on your blog that you are in Wisc? My mom’s family live in and around Lancaster and Potosi. I used to get the spring sinus infection too as did my daughter. Since moving up to Canada though – not one. Some of it is the drier air but we also have gone mainly organic and vegetarian. No soda to speak of or artificial sweetners and no dairy. Allergies are still an issue but sinus infections are not.
daisyfae, don’t get the risk taking to fix stuff that isn’t a big deal either. Exercise and sun sense can go a long way to keeping skin youthful.
Girl, I never minded aging until just recently and it’s not the years but the length of time it takes for me to do things that once were easy – learn a new skill (yoga), build muscle, tone. It happens at a slower pace and that annoys me though I know I should be grateful it happens at all.
I used to dye my hair. I’m closer than ever to 50 now (47 at the moment) and I decided I’ve earned these gray hairs. There are more important issues at my age — blood pressure, weight gain, etc. — that need addressing.
When my grays couldn’t keep up with my tweezers, I started dyeing my hair, and did so for about 7 years. After my sweetie died, and my priorities were subject to violent adjustment, that was one of the first things out the window. It was freeing, on a minor level. I’ve been in a serious (and long overdue) physical self-acceptance mode the last couple weeks, and it is freeing on a level I could barely have imagined. It’s a good thing, and I don’t mind the passing of the years; I never have. The greater sense of self, and the greater sense in general, is something I appreciate. You couldn’t pay me to be 20 again. Also, after A died too young, I decided I would never again complain about getting old; some people don’t have that opportunity.
Youth is best left to the young.
From what I have observed, I would have to more align with the saying that “Youth is wasted on the young.”
As for the “luscious bum” comment, well, I’m not saying anything, cuz this is the internet. 🙂
well captured. it looms – and while i don’t exactly welcome it, i’m not afraid. i exercise (have lost ~60 lbs over the past few years, with that last 30 to go), color my hair (it went white when i was ~35) and wear makeup.
and after a partial mastectomy, i had breast reduction/lift prior to radiation (after radiation, it wouldn’t have been an option). i do enjoy the ‘new girls’… and am not sure i’d have done it if i wasn’t already being cut for the cancer nugget.
but the other recreational plasticity? botox? carp-lips via collagen implants? i don’t get it. maybe if i had jowls, or some feature that really drove me crazy, i’d consider it, but wrinkles and thin lips? not worth it…