Things People search for that Wind Them Up Here

WordPress has this neat feature that allows you to see the search terms that people have used to find your blog. Most of the time, they are pretty bland. Today I found the following:


Married sex blog – like my husband would let me write that kind of a blog. Hard as it may be to believe after some of my posts of late. I am leashed on this particular topic. Innuendo good. Details bad.


Married couples sex games – again, the gag order is in place, but I can say one thing. Games, toys, and visual aids aren’t on the menu in our house. We haven’t been married THAT long.


All women do it – Laundry? Dishes? Maxing out the credit card? Turning their heads and spitting?


Toilet seat heightener – Huh? So this is where my preoccupation with clean washrooms has gotten me? I think you might be looking for Johnny Virgil at 15 Minute Lunch.


Fletching – Ewww. I am sorry I ever learned about this let alone mentioned it. Once. In a post long, long ago. ‘Nuff said.


The funeral of Terry Fox – after the fall I spent dealing with my daughter’s pre-occupation with death and Terry Fox, I hope I never hear his name again. Unfortunately he is a Canadian holiday of sorts and I can look forward to many more years of him.


Tanja ywbb – this kind of thing always makes me nervous. It’s creepy when someone is looking for someone you know. I once saw a search term that said “Rob’s wife Annie’s blog” and could only imagine which of my husband’s widda stalkers admirers from the YWBB might be hunting us down now that we no longer visit post or visit there. Rob had quite the virtual group of admirers though I can’t say too much because half of my unsolicited private messages there came from widowers (the other half were typically from people telling me to shut up and go away).


How does Angelina Jolie stay thing? – Well, I know that when I was scary skinny it was because I didn’t eat. Not eating is a proven path to the kind of gaunt look that scares children and small animals away (mostly because they are afraid the skeletal individual might eat them).


Public Urination – I get this as a search term a lot. I think I might have indulged my own fascination with this a bit too much when I first arrived in Canada, but honest to god these people up here will pee anywhere.


Sex – quite a number of people troll the WordPress blogs for anything about sex. They aren’t even specific. If it talks about sex in even the most clinical wikipedia way, they want to know about it. My husband gets quite a chuckle out of the pieces I write about he and I and sex. He says “I wondered how long you could resist bragging.” Bragging? Well, okay. I am bragging. I have a lot to brag about frankly, but on the off chance my mother might read this some day – I will refrain from being graphic.


Penis exercises – Okay, I have been TMI but WTF? When have I ever mentioned anything about penis’s needing to exercise? Beyond the obvious, can a penis exercise? If anyone knows, do enlighten the rest of us.


Lisa Parker- Her name rolls in the credits of the Viggo Mortensen film, Eastern Promises. I wrote a piece that referenced her after seeing her name in the credits when Rob and I saw the film. I can’t even count the number of times that piece has been read and people are still finding it when looking her up. An odd memorial, in my opinion.


SouthStory rejection – Southstory is an on line literary magazine. They must reject a hell of a lot of writers because this term comes up about every day or two. I think I will beat them to the chase and just not submit work there at all.


YWBB – This comes up from time to time. Not sure why they would end up here instead of the site itself. Since I have given up reading the board (3 wks now – yeah me!), I don’t know if they are looking for the board or stories I have written about it and I have written a few – positive and negative. For the record, it was the place where I was destined to meet Rob and therefore worthwhile but I would caution anyone who goes there to take the advice with a grain of salt and remember that it is best to consult with and live among people in real time when you are dealing with grief issues.


Skinny female celebs – Can’t say whether this is a positive search or not but I will go out on a limb and assume that someone was just being creepy and looking for photos. Of scary looking famous people who are starving themselves to an early grave. Now there is a hobby.


Letters from lovers – This could be a sweet romantic thing. Some young person looking for inspiration before penning his or her own emoticon expressions of “let’s hang out” via a text message, or it could be someone looking for porn. Since this is the Internet, it could go either way.

6 thoughts on “Things People search for that Wind Them Up Here

  1. ummm…. felching is not about gerbils up the anus. I’ll write what it is following this. you may or may want to delete this sentence

    felching is sucking the semen out of someone’s anus, or sometimes a vagina.


  2. Myra, my spelling is not so great and Rob didn’t beta read this one. It’s got something to do with hamsters though.

  3. um… annie… there’s nothing wrong with fletching. maybe you mean felching. different thing altogether.

    even I haven’t done a post on felching. does that mean i still have standards?


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