Peeing in the Woods: Part Deux

“Nothing like the wind on your penis.”

– Rob Bibby

The restroom facilities at the park this last weekend were indoors but amounted to not much more than wood stalls separating a couple of tin drums over holes in the ground with toilet seats fastened to the top for comfort’s sake. It’s not like having to dig your own hole to squat over, but it smells pretty much the same.

My four year old got one look at the older boys heading to the woods to relieve themselves rather than brave the stench and decided that she did not need to use the restroom for the duration. To her credit, the girl has a impressive bladder control for a preschooler and even with a whole can of soda in her, she didn’t ask to use the potty until we got home.

The subject of peeing in the great wide open came up again this evening as my love and I reverted back to our nightly phone conversations. Rob has a tent camper and we were planning to use it on our trip to West Yellowstone this summer but he brought up the possibility of upgrading to a trailer.

Just a quick aside, I needed to clarify what he meant by “trailer”, turns out that is Canadian for “camper”. Just like “beaking” means nosy and “beaking off” is being “sassy” or “giving someone lip”. 

But before I digress too far into the adorableness of Canada speak, Rob thought that the added amenities of a camper would be good for Katy and I. How so? Well, a shower and an indoor toilet. He assumed, correctly, that my little one had never pee’d outdoors.

He then went on to inform me that he is still getting great mileage out of telling people the story of how he had to instruct me in the art of open air urination. Seems no one can quite believe that I have never exposed myself in the woods, squatted down and watered Mother Earth.

Canadians, apparently, look for excuses to avoid using the indoor facilities as everyone Rob tells this story to has pissed outside. If you have only one bathroom in your home, you may have pee’d in the “woods”. If you are in the garage and don’t want to walk the distance between it and the house, you may have pee’d in the “woods”.  If you are stumbling home from the pub late at night or simply just wanted to let your privates enjoy the fresh air…… There is nothing like a slight breeze lightly stirring the pubic hairs, or at least that is what I am told. 

I am not nostalgic for my outdoor bathroom adventures. When you gotta go, well, you gotta go. I’m all in favor of pragmatism. Should we have indoor accomodations, I will avail myself of them. However, should it not come to pass, I will be ready and hopefully I am as good a teacher in the art of outdoor peeing as my husband-to-be and will instruct my daughter in the proper form. Maybe someday she will be enough of a Canadian to  regard the call of nature whether indoor or out as a simple and unremarkable function.

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