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I am Up at 50 Something Moms!


Okay, drumroll, my first piece is up at 50 Something Moms. My new contributing gig has begun! I would be very pleased and appreciative of anyone who has time to zip over, read and leave a comment there for me.

I quite like these plural blogs. Nothing rides completely on your singular shoulders and these days of late I have felt the full weight of aloneness in keeping this site up and fresh. Still, I love creative non-fiction too much to give it up. I told Rob the other day that the coolest job in the world has to be that of a columnist. I couldn’t imagine a more fun occupation. I think it probably even beats novelist because they have public appearances and travel to contend with. However, I didn’t think there was much of a lucrative living in it.

“Dave Barry did well for himself,” Rob reminded me.

“Yes, whoring out one’s personal life via your immediate family sells. Is that what you want me to do?”

“Um, no.”

Not that I don’t over-share. I do (note to Silverstar, it was Rob who wrote about the long underwear thing – I was merely a character in that anecdote) but I think selling your family for tv sitcom consumption is probably pushing the limits of the personal narrative envelope.

But the point of this blurb is to let my dear readers know that I am contributing today and on the 17th at 50 Something Moms and I would love your support. The writers there are REAL as in PUBLISHED and ACCOMPLISHED, and I am a bit nervous and very humbled..

Knocked Up


No, not me. The movie. I didn’t see it when it was out in the theaters. Honestly it takes a hell of a lot to convince either Rob or I to actually expend the effort and waste the time to sit in a movie theater. Perhaps if he liked people more and I enjoyed sitting still for someone else’s story-telling. The only time I can sit still is when I am writing or reading. Otherwise, my mind is too full to entertain someone else’s ideas.

But BabyDaughter and I have been making fairly regular stops at the library in town since I discovered (after nearly a year) that I can use the county library card I have there too, and I saw the dvd and I thought it was worth a movie night.

Yes, I can watch movies at home without too much wandering of attention but it’s not a given. Plus I have the added incentive of my viewing pleasure being enhanced by the ability to curl up next to my husband in bed while we watch. You can’t snuggle horizontally in a movie theater, I don’t care how great the seats are – stadium seating and snuggling just don’t mix.

Knocked Up, if I remember correctly, got quite the rap for being another one of those films that glamorized the idea of pregnancy and keeping the baby as opposed to having an abortion, I guess. Personally, I don’t see either option as glamorous in the least, but I understand the vexation. The movie does make it seem that pregnancy can create a relationship where none existed or ultimately strengthen ties between two people. Frankly, a baby should never be saddled with that kind of baggage or responsibility. More people should disregard the notion of getting together or staying together for the sake of children, born or in the making. The movie was more than a bit fairy tale in that respect.

For me the movie brought back memories of being pregnant with BabyDaughter, mostly because it was mid- way through the pregnancy that her dad began to show signs of mental instability. Just one in a long list of early warning signs of his illness that we missed. I don’t have many fond memories of pregnancy, birth or the first year. It was overshadowed by odd and/or scary behavior that had me on the verge of walking out by the time the doctors agreed that “yes, there does appear to be something physically wrong with your husband”.

Some of the movie annoyed me too. There is a scene – several really – of the female character being “hormonal” and I complained to Rob that I hated movies that went all stereo-type like that about pregnant women. Hormonal does not mean “out of control bitch” and I insisted that I was never like that. But there were tense and even ugly moments when my late husband would do things that seemed so far out of character that I wondered who the hell I had married and perhaps I’d made a huge mistake. I don’t think my reactions were overly influenced by hormones though. I think most sane women would have been upset regardless.

Hindsight is a miserable and useless thing.

Perhaps another reason why I dislike movies (and television even moreso) is that it strives to entertain me with things that are not entertainment. Trauma. Disease. Death. Heartbreak. 

Considering the fullness of my life and my ability to keep myself quite occupied within its framework, I guess it is no wonder I am not much in need of what Hollywood seems to feel I need to vicariously experience more of.

A Happy Canadian Thanksgiving


Our Thanksgiving is not the kick-off to the Christmas shopping season. In fact, stores up here do not adopt the longer shopping hours associated with the season of over-giving until December despite the fact that Christmas decor and related items are already beginning to pop up here and there.

A quick google of the holiday revealed something similar to the history of Thanksgiving in the United States. A stop and start acknowledgment over the course of a couple of centuries, that here in Canada finally found a home of the second Monday of October. A sensible choice really as it means to mark the end of harvest and promote family time, which most folk seem to take quite seriously.

We will have a quiet immediate family supper tonight. The only other family member we could have invited is Rob’s mother, but the drive from the Okanagan is long and expensive and we don’t have the budget for flying her up here right now as we don’t know if I will have to head for the States to help out with Dad.

To quickly update on my dad, he had a doctor appointment today. The fluid around his lungs is building and he is very tired and short of breath most of the time with things becoming more critical when he exerts himself. Exertion has come to be any time he must get up and walk, even if it is just a few steps.

He still went to mass yesterday. He tries to save his energy for that one outing a week. Despite everything, Dad is a very spiritual man and takes his religion quite seriously though he has modified his alignment with some of the teachings that don’t line up with what he has observed in real life*.

Rob woke me in the wee hours with reports of our ghosties renewing activities again. I didn’t see what he did or remember echoing the ghost in my sleep by calling out his name, but I have felt the “presence” in the last few days, so I am not surprised. We had similar issues late last November and leading up to the death of Shelley’s mother. I am sure that this new round of bumps in the night are connected to my dad.

He reported pain for the first time today. His ribs, which are probably cancerous now, hurt. The fact that he mentioned pain is not a good sign. He has a freakishly high tolerance for pain of the excruciating kind. Pain that would turn the rest of us into wimpering babies. When he suffered from crushed vertebrae (three time in the last two years) he made do with regular Tylenol and a heating pad and rarely reported the pain above a 3 or 4 on the scale. If he is in pain enough to bring it up on his own – as opposed to it being dragged our of him as was typical of the past – it must be intolerable.

He has another doctor appointment next Wednesday to discuss putting in a chest tube to drain the fluid. I can’t be sure but I think the doctors are staggering his appointments and their interventions in the hopes that the cancer will “get him” before anything too invasive has to be done. A chest tube is painful and limits mobility my home health care nurse BFF tells me. I hope he doesn’t have to go there.

My guess, though, is that dad will not make November.

We had talked of visiting over BabyD’s fall break but that is still a month away and if he is still alive, the atmosphere will likely be decidedly death-ish. I am not willing to expose BabyD or Rob to that. And since Dad is still telling me that I don’t need to come (and I really should for mom’s sake – she is suffering terribly and I know too well how awful the whole “widow in waiting” period is), I think he doesn’t want to expose me to what is happening either.**

On a bit happier note, my first pieces at 50 Somethings Mom blog are slated to go up on the 14 and 17th, please try to get over there for a peek and a comment. This is kind of a big time blogging thing for me as I had to sign a writer’s agreement and have a chance to have my pieces picked up for syndication.

Finally, the Hey Sarah Palin video I posted has been driving my views the past couple of days, so I wanted to direct you all to a post over at The Zoo. It’s a clip from a recent Biden rally with an intro from Sen. Clinton. She reminded me again of what women should really aspire for when pursuing a political career. Her fervent belief in the cause and her willingness to campaign for Obama are also are in striking contrast to the Republicans. Where is Huckabee these days? Or that Mormon dude? Apparently the right’s sense of team and supporting held values extends only so far and their pseudo-Klan rallies that pass as campaigning these days says much about their message and what they value.

*For example he views the teaching on IVF as silly in light of his granddaughter’s humble beginnings in a petri-dish. It’s clear to him she is not the anti-Christ and that her existence was clearly meant to be. But, this came to him slowly. He was a giant pain in my ass during my IVF cycle and pregnancy.

**I only play a tough girl on my blog. In reality I am still waiting for the thick skin to grow back.