daily life

A Clean Fridge is a Sign


The fridge back in Iowa was almost empty. I remember Rob being appalled at the lack of just about everything when he came to stay for the first time before our trip to Arkansas. The fridge in our home here was stuffed and mostly with items of questionable edibility. Vintage describes a lot of things and many of them were in our fridge. But today all that changed because a very affable Hindu repairman arrived at our home just before lunch and fixed our broken down refrigerator, scoffing at the very idea that his phone diagnosis was incorrect. By the time I returned home later that afternoon, not only was there a chilling freezer and fridge but a clean one. Really clean and not just empty as Rob had returned home from his only afternoon meeting (hand holding as he put it) to finish up the job he began yesterday. All foods and condiments and no longer identifiable were disposed of and all surfaces within scrubbed. 

So now the fridge looks like the one back in Iowa but for the fact it is way cleaner. What could this mean? First, it means we don’t eat much by way of variety anymore. Allergy- induced semi-veganism has really limited the products purchased and consumed by all of us.  Second, it means we are really moving. Really. No one cleans a nasty fridge without an intervention by the universe and when the move wasn’t seeming real enough for us, destiny stepped in. But, that is not all that a clean and newly repaired fridge means. It also means that I have a pretty great husband.

So Much to do


I have too much to do to be sitting here blogging. I am still plowing through laundry due to the week long visit from my sis-in-law. Her visit too stirred up unpleasant memories because like most widows who live and breathe it, all she wanted to do was talk about issues and irritations and grudges that surrounded her husband’s death. Unfortunate timing really with the nasty letter from my former mother-in-law arriving on the heels of SIL’s departure and with the 2nd anniversary of Will’s death a mere two weeks away. And about that, the only thing I can say is that I will be glad when it is behind me. My major emotional association with it right now is impatience and the very real sense that I am not like other widows because I don’t miss Will or pine for our life together. I like my here and now too much to look backwards and I resent the intrusion of the day and grief into my life.

So, my to-do list is overwhelming me and my want to do list calls seductively at every opportunity. Write poems for an on-line literary magazine or strip beds? Spend the afternoon writing a short story based on an idea I borrowed from Rob’s memory of Shelley? Or sort through boxes of papers for tax information? Banking? Or wiling away the time before my massage preparing for my writing group? You see my dilemma. I have a house to clean and purge and a novel that is screaming for revision. There are school districts to be researched for job possibilities. A resume and letters of reference to update. Certification issues to deal with and I begin to understand why women decide to remain at home longer than they need to. I was reading an interview in Newsweek with some author of a book for 40+ women on tricks for maintaining a youthful appearance for the sake of their careers mainly because its become such a sin in our society to be an older woman who isn’t playing delusional games with herself about what she looks like. With this looming, housewife looks better and better. Truthfully though, free-lance writing is what is attracting me most simply because I prefer writing to nearly all activities save spending time with Rob these days – and even he will tell you that when I am deep in a book or working on a piece that he has a hard to pulling me back to the now.

Lists. I need lists. And a little bit more ambition. And a household staff. Okay, that last part was a joke. I don’t have money enough to coerce anyone into doing some of the work that needs to be done. It is a good thing we have until June now to do it. I could never be ready by April.

I keep threatening – myself really- with cutting way back or quitting the blog thing all together. At least for a while. I have a lot to do this month. I may have to make good on that.

A New Vehicle


We spent some of the day yesterday searching for a second vehicle. Currently our second vehicle, which Rob will not let me drive, is  ’93 Astro EXT van with so many kilometers on it that the odometer has rolled over twice. Rob uses it strictly to get to work and back while I have been driving the Avalanche. Rob misses the Avalanche. It’s the one all we middle-aged people reward ourselves with after decades of putting up with sensible, often used, but never fully-equipped or tricked out vehicles.It’s a man’s truck. A man who likes heated seats, top of the line stereo system, dual climate condition, dual programmable seat and mirror positioning system, and a rear seat entertainment center.  I had  a 2000 Malibu with not quite 100,000 miles on it that I sold before moving here. Bringing cars across the border was an hassle neither of us wanted to deal with. Rob thought the van would do for a bit but that bit is over. The van’s battery needs to be jumped every morning now if Rob hasn’t  attached a battery charger the night before. It doesn’t have a working a/c which normally isn’t a big deal here, but this summer’s July heat wave (that even got to me and I am from the sub-tropic Midwest) proved to be the point before the tipping point of the battery drain. So, we began our search on-line. Narrowed to a few smaller SUV choices and yesterday took a look and a few test drives.

 

The Ford Escape was first. It’s very small on the inside and noisy to drive. The gas peddle is uber touchy, and the steering wheel is toy sized. I wasn’t impressed. The Chevy Equinox was roomier. The ride was quiet by comparison to the Escape but not as silent as the Avalanche. The rear seat adjusts which I really liked because it means I can position Katy closer now and move her back as she grows. It has an options package that can nicely equip it with those few things that aren’t standard like rear DVD (long drives into the city make this a must as do road trips). And yes, there are a plethora of cup holders and an OnStar option, but the biggest thing for me was the MP3 jack. I need my music like Katy needs to watch her latest DVD from the bookmobile.

 

Even though I was pretty much sold on the Equinox, we did check out an Exterra at the Nissan dealership. Fully-equipped it is pricier than we liked, it was small and boxy inside, similar to the the Escape, and it is downright unattractive to look at with that awful rack on the top.

 

So, it looks like the Equinox. Deep Ruby Metallic. Not that the color is a deal breaker or anything. It can be green or blue metallic or black amythest or whatever color it please God. Just as long as it has the MP3 jack and a place for a Starbucks chai latte. I am such a girl sometimes.