Monthly Archives: June 2010

Scarlet’s Meme


I was tagged by Unbearable Banishment who was tagged by Leah, who was tagged by Scarlet. The mission – to answer the 10 questions written by UB. In turn, I am to write 10 questions of my own and tag six people. As my per usual, I consider tagging optional and invite those who care to do so to play along in the comment box here or take it to their home turf and tag back.

1. George Bush. Lindsay Lohan. Dick Cheney. You have to sleep with one, marry one and kill one.

Ugh, this is just an awful question. I simply can’t kill anyone for being un-evolved. And it’s very un-yoga. I wouldn’t want to sleep with any of them but I have Rob, so there isn’t a need for me to even ponder the idea. And, of course, Rob relieves me of the whole “marrying anyone” thing.

Seriously, Bush is probably just banal evil whereas Cheney is pure evil by choice and poor Lindsay was raised  Beverly Hillbilly style and never stood a chance.

2. Would you prefer a comfortable relationship that was passionless or a torrid affair that’s riddled with angst and uncertainty?

I am certain that neither of those things is even possible for me at this point in my life though I did the latter as a younger, much dumber, woman. Minus the “torrid” because .. well … I just didn’t know any better or know myself well enough to insist on what I deserved.

3. What is your drink of choice?

Alcoholic? Because I can’t drink these days between sulphites and my pesky tendency to migraines. When just a few sips makes you ill, really, what’s the point? Not that there was a point back in the day, but it was easier when the nasty side-effects were a night’s sleep away.

I drink tea. I prefer it hot and sweetened. Chai if it’s available but I’ll make do with whatever is on hand.


4. Would you rather work an interesting job that was low-paying and be under constant financial duress, or have a comfortable lifestyle with a job that wasn’t very satisfying (but not a nightmare)?

I think I’ve done both – and with the same job – but at different points in my career. When I first started teaching, I made $18, 200 a year. It was an awesome job back in the days before standardized testing, NCLB and Race to the Top. I had autonomy and could make it as interesting and fun as I pleased. The last five years of my teaching career I was finally making money enough to be comfortable – not rich – but I didn’t worry much (dying husband and medical crap aside). But gawd, it was boring. Hemmed in by all sorts of idiotic rules and oversight. I tried to make it as fun as I could, but the wiggle room was less and less every year.

Money is awesome. There’s no substitute for the ease and freedom associated with having money in the bank and bills that are paid, but a boring job really has to be weighed heavily before you commit to that route.


5. You are boarding a plane tomorrow morning. Where are you going?

In no scenario I can think of  – short of someone dying or being near death – would I be getting on a plane. Have you forgotten who I am? I loathe air travel. Even for fun. Even if someone else was footing the bill.

But, if I could take off tomorrow for somewhere?

I have no friggin’ idea. Really. None. I don’t really think much about traveling too far away. Ask Rob. He’ll say,

“Where do you want to go for summer holiday?”

“Oh,” I’ll reply, “I don’t know. Where do you want to go?”

Travel is good. Staying home is a tiny bit better.


6. What was the last piece of music you purchased?

People still buy music? I get music from Rob and he … um … is Canadian. ‘Nuff said. But I did get an iTunes card last year and downloaded a bunch of pop rock and bad country stuff. There was Nickelback and Ludacris in the mix – I think – and quit judging me because I don’t care what the “hip” factor is on my music. That’s just too high school and faux cool to the point of actively being a poser.


7. If a book isn’t working for you, do you hang on hoping for redemption or bail out?

I ‘m done. No question. Life is full of great writing and I don’t waste my time or limited brain capacity on less than ideal prose.


8. Is it easy for you to admit when you’re wrong? Let’s be honest here.

Out loud? Kidding. I will eventually. First, I have to realize that I’m wrong. That’s what takes time.


9. Do you think fame is a useful tool or more trouble than it’s worth? If it came knocking on your door, would you open it?

Fame is useful but using it in a useful manner can be troublesome. If if came knocking, I’d make use of it.

10. Fill in the blank. I wish my parents had not __________.

I’m not going to second guess them. Mostly because I can only view their lives – that part which I was around for – from the perspective of a child and that is not very sharp hindsight, imo.

My questions now:

1. If your life was a romantic comedy, where would it be set?

2. Standing up or lying down? Context – subjective.

3. Which Star Trek era would you live in – provided that Star Trek was real and time travel was real and … you know … it was a geeky thing to contemplate even in the abstraction of a meme? Prequel? Original? or Next Generation?

4. Shower or bath?

5. Current event that most affects your actual life?

6. Celebrity crush? (celebrity being relative)

7. Do you read the novel or wait for the film version?

8. Bottled water or tap?

9. How prepared are you for the next Armageddon (keeping in mind that “the end of the world” is also relative and subjective in our modern times)?

10. If you could claim citizenship anywhere on the planet, where would it be and why?

Devin and Glenn: Marriage Sucks


… so why not let Gays get hitched too?

I found this Hollywood politico cute shoot on The Daily Dish. It tries to take aim at the ignorant masses in California who oppose gay marriage, but it winds up making marriage look like an institution tailored specifically with the punishment of homosexuals in mind.

Marriage. That passionless bastion of crass in-laws and fat, inconsiderate spouses. The horror.

And I didn’t miss the supposed point. I just think the point was stupid and way off mark.

I think the creators missed the point. People, most of them anyway, who opposed Prop 8 are average folk who probably don’t know that they know gay people even. Their discomfort was manufactured in churches and via fear-mongering television ads. Denigrating the state of matrimony is not going to win them over although the hip left-wingers will enjoy quite the smug chuckle at the expense of soccer moms and their families.

The point shouldn’t be to make a joke of one side or the other but to introduce people to the reality of what is likely going on all around them. Couples of the same-sex, living, loving and starting families like couples do.

The vast majority of them not bad Hollywood clichés.

Devin and Glenn are bad Judd Apatow-ish fail.

I Call Bullshit


I tepidly tip-toed into the Al and Tipper split angst at my mommy gig.  Basically falling back on the whole “marriage is work” and that successful marriages – and I am taking the gold standard of “til death do we part”* – are made up of two committed people.  Commitment being key and something that a couple must do over and over again as their relationship rolls on and time/circumstances change them and it.

But I ran across a piece by Leslie Bennets at The Daily Beast that I really wanted to comment on, but didn’t.  Bennets is the author of The Feminine Mistake, which takes to task women who drop out of the workplace to raise children. In Bennets’ opinion, this is idiotic at best and suicidal at worst but as she is working for a world-view model that places material wealth as the most important thing – her arguments make sense.

The Beast post talked about the myriad of ways that marriages die.

There are so many ways a marriage can die.

Some are blown up in a fateful instant; a couple might have been married for years, might appear the ideal couple to everyone who knows them, even believe it themselves—and one day a stranger walks into a room and one partner is struck by acoup de foudre as decisive as a mortal blow. When this happens—and it sometimes does—even the most devoted spouse hasn’t got a chance. Other marriages take years to wither, with love seeping away, bit by bit, as if leaking from a small, fatal hole that can drain an enormous reservoir.

I won’t argue the “withering, fatal hole” position. I have my own theories but won’t share them here as I have done so already in past posts. But I call bullshit on the statement in bold.

The idea that a happily married person or sometimes two lock eyes across a crowded patio at a neighborhood barbeque and are struck by kismet is utter crap. The rationalizing that has to gone on to justify anything so Hollywood High School makes me wonder whether to laugh in someone’s face or just give a patronizing eye-roll.

No one is fated to be with just one other person. Sorry. And any person who has used this sorry-ass excuse on a partner to justify abandoning that person is engaging in classic denial of personal responsibility and was probably the lazy end of the duo in terms of anything requiring heavy-lifting skills to begin with.

Leaving your spouse for someone else is an avoidance tactic of the highest magnitude. It’s one thing to decide – as perhaps the Gores did – that effort, reaffirmation of love and commitment to a partnership aren’t worth the work anymore – but it’s quite another to cop out with “kismet” and “soul-mates” and “this can’t be denied” excusing of one’s very bad, infantile and supremo-selfish behavior.

You’re being harsh, Anniegirl. How would you know even?

Yeah, I heard that. You out there who’s probably pulled this cheesy escape hatch once or twice.

Rob and I couldn’t be more well-matched. In a lot of ways, he suits me better than Will could ever have done. I feel that I have known him always – that we’ve spent the better part of our early existences involved with each other – probably intimately. You can’t get more “kismet” than us.

But, if he and I had met by chance – at one of these across the room affairs – back in the mid-90’s when he, Shelley and the girls were living in Kansas, would it have led to a soul-implosion?

No.

Why?

Because he was a devoted married man who loved his wife and his daughters and knew that marriage wasn’t a trivial thing to be tossed aside to chase sexually fueled mirages. In fact, dollars to donuts that he wouldn’t have noticed me beyond a shared interest in Star Trek and a half-hour’s worth of nerdy conversation.

And me? I didn’t note married men beyond “too bad he’s married”.

There are rules to engagement, and people who disregard boundaries like “marriage” are the least likely to stick with you later on when the going gets tough – and it does for everyone at some time or another.

Those couples exist though, Anniegirl. You’ve heard the stories of the cousin’s sister’s co-workers mom and stepdad, or the neighbor’s best friend’s uncle who left their spouse for a random stranger and spent 30 wonderful years together, right?

Anecdotal urban myths.

People like that exist in so few a number that they might as well be the Lost Ark or the Holy Grail. They are like believing in Disney Princess stories. Most people who leave a partner for someone else – eventually leave that person too. That’s the rule. Haven’t we talked about “exceptions” versus “rule” before, people?

It’s irritating that people like, Bennets – who are quick to chastise people about their relationship choices in general – so willingly feed the mythology of failed marriages by promoting ridiculous ideas like “destiny” and “eyes locking across a crowded PTA meeting”. Marriage is a one of many relationship vehicles that we are presented with in life to work on ourselves in some way or to assist others in their life journey – mostly the latter, but that’s my opinion only.

*Knowing fully well that an awful lot of widowed folk call bs on that as it’s not a standard part of the vows, which can vary a lot depending on religion and civil standards. Although, my personal opinion is that anyone going into marriage thinking they can call the ball on length are living in the Magic Kingdom too.