The server for the YWBB is in the Northeast somewhere. New York State, if I remember correctly. It has to be in some weather vulnerable area because if memory serves, every time the area got whacked by winter – as is the case today – the board took a powder. As it’s a volunteer thing for the most part, it sometimes took a while for the tender that is to notice and, depending on whether or not it was a power issue, get the board back up on line.
When the widda board goes dark, my site lights up. I get search hits and loads of page-views from widowed in varying degrees of withdrawal. Last night, my stats doubled thanks to a couple of widowed folk in Texas*.
I had a comment yesterday from a board member on a more recent post about grief not being a process. She personally found the board an immense help and that the nastier souls that roam there were few in number and more to be pitied than worried about. She isn’t wrong in her asessment. If a person sticks to the newly widowed forum and even the 6 to 12 month forum, most of the time all is well. It also helps to have a co-hort, people who arrived at the same time you did who were roughly within your widowhood time frame.
I was a late comer to the board. I didn’t have a clique. The existing ones in my time frame weren’t welcoming, and I had the added burden of having spent well over a year physically/emotionally on my own prior to Will’s death. I just came in with a whole different mindset and needs.
I made some friends. I met my husband Rob there. I won’t tell anyone not to go there, but I will caution people to keep their true feelings close to the vest lest someone (usually someone who is older in widow age and heavily invested in the community) take offense and decide to “school” you.
Being schooled makes me cranky. Being told my own feelings and experiences aren’t what I know they are … gets my back up. I wasn’t so “yoga” back in my board days. I let my fingers fly and I got myself in trouble. End of story.
But back to the point, yes the board is down. It will be back up because you know what they say about bad pennies? It applies to the board too.
So breathe. Follow this link if you like. It will take you to a widow blog whose blog list is all widowed. The blog community can be just, if not more, helpful.
Namaste.
*Yes, I can see you via StatCounter. State, city, ISP addy and what you are reading. I’ve had problems with board members linking me back in posts there for the purpose of having a little flaming fun at my expense. That kind of thing doesn’t amuse me. I get that I am a heretic, but I am allowed to be so on my own blog – which no one has to read if they feel threatened or offended by my pov on grief and moving on.
UPDATE: I learned via widda friend status update on Facebook today (Sunday) that the board will be down until Wednesday due to a winterstorm related power outage. Just thought I’d pass that along.
anniegirl1138 
Hi, Annie, I am the “D” poster above, and wanted to come back and share something you might funny/interesting.
YWBB went back up, and the world kept spinning. On April 2, I met a fellow widower there, he sent me our first PM. I’m sure you can guess the rest: consant PM’s, e-mails, sharing phone numbers, hours long conversations daily, texting, and then finally, meeting in person, him traveling 1,650 miles to see me.
We fell in love, his house is for sale, and he’ll be moving to be with me. As so many before me felt, I never thought I could have these feelings again. It’s amazing, wonderful, and all good things. Plenty of ups and downs, but I can’t imagine life without him in it, and never want to.
I’m sharing this because of a neat fact: he is the “G” poster up above. And we didn’t know each other existed when we posted such similar things here.
Take care, Annie.
Congratulations to you both. It is a small Internet after all. Thanks for coming back and sharing your story.
YWBB going down has been very difficult for me. Sending me into a tail spin of panic. There may be some bad eggs on that site but I’ve found only friendship and support. I’m sorry that the experience wasn’t the same for you. You did meet your husband there, so I guess it wasn’t all bad for you. The people I’ve met would likely not cyber-bash you.
I’d do just about anything to hook up with my friends from YWBB because they are the only people that keep me from being destroyed by this crushing loneliness and pain.
I did meet my husband there. In fact, there were quite a few widoweds during my tenure, and of my vintage more or less, who met spouses either on the board or through dating sites around the time I met Rob, and as far as I know, they are all still together. So the next time someone says couples are rare and often end badly, you can quote me when stating that it isn’t quite the truth.
Judging from your wish to meet YWBB folk, I am going to assume that bago’s are not a possibility? If they are, however, do try to go. I only ever went to a couple, but they were nice. I know there are a lot of folks who swear by them. Do ask about the YWBB group on Facebook too.
I hope the board is up again soon and you find equal standing feet again.
I too stumbled across your blog when searching if ywbb was down. I really enjoyed what I read, found myself nodding in agreement several times, and will definitely continue to read it. I’ve been a member of ywbb for about a month (I’m 3 months out) and have found it very helpful, but also immediately recognized the self-pitying attention seekers there. So many times I’ve wanted to say “You really need to get out of the house” but held back knowing full well the wrath that would be brought down upon me. I can’t stand the self proclaimed “experts” at grieving. It’s a very unique journey for all of us, nobody knows what to expect. Anyway, keep up the good work. I’m looking forward to future posts, I respect your counterpoint.
G.
Life revising events are not everyone’s forte. Some people are naturally more resilient while others take a bit longer. I think the majority of grievers do not find themselves mired in the grief “process” but just need a bit of down time to regroup and people to understand while they do. The majority of YWBBers are nice, encouraging people. It’s the “professionals” who can make some people’s brief stays there miserable.
Thanks for stopping by and for commenting.
I completely agree, you put into words exactly what I’m thinking. I have symapthy for all fellow YWBBers, and the support from my “peers” has been very uplifting, but its frustrating to see some caught in an obvious rut. I guess it’s the caregiver in me. Then again, being a widow or widower does not automatically elevate one to saint status, as I suspect some of them perceive themselves to be. I hope they find peace at some point.
Hi, I found your site doing a google search for “young widows”. I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog, I like how you put things, and your point of view. Of all the widow blogs/forums I’ve read, yours gives me the most hope.
I am a member of YWBB and have found it to be very helpful. I’ve met some wonderful people on there who I fully expect to be lifelong friends. It’s very obvious who the sour apples are there, and I just stay away from them.
At times, I feel as you do, that some people are very stuck in their grief, years out. I feel sorry for them, and at the same time, hope and pray I don’t get that way.
Your blog has given me much to think about and I appreciate that. I’m also very happy that you have found love again!
(I would never link to your site.)
Take care,
D.
You’re welcome. And thanks for commenting.