The last few days have found me in funky sort of mood. Not wanting to delve, I ignored it but yesterday at lunch Rob noticed it in my eyes and tone. I absolutely can’t hide from him.
Found out, I was forced to examine and came to the following conclusions:
- I miss working, but I miss the idea of it and not the reality*.
- All the reno work and child rearing of the past weeks has kept me from my manuscript and I can feel the loss of muse time in my marrow.
- I am like a canine when it comes to sorrow. I pick up on the vibrations of others like dogs hear those seemingly noiseless whistles, and it exhausts me.
- I really am happier when BabyD is in school all day long.
- While I love having a grown kid around, I will be glad when MidKid moves out again.
- Rob and I need a date night. Two at least.**
- I want to go shopping. For myself. By myself.***
That is such a whiny list. I hate being whiny. It adds to the funked – up’d- ness.
Today was an errand day after morning swim lessons and in addition to food – which we always seem to be out of – I needed a new desk calendar. So into Staples I happily skipped with BabyD in tow, but every meditative Nirvana like moment of its wonders was interrupted with a question or a request. Normally a restorative, it became a place to get in and get out of as quickly as possible.
Same with the grocery.
And the library later that afternoon.
Home is no better and even less so when MidKid has the day off. Not that she is underfoot with questions and requests as she keeps to her room in a way that reminds me of the kid in the Steve Martin movie, Parenthood, but just knowing that I am not alone is enough to knock the Zen out of me.
Today it is back to staining wood after a morning of more swim lessons and a tiny bit of gym, but I will sneak away in the evening for a bit to meet with one of my writing groups. Despite having nothing ready to read because I have gotten badly off track with my manuscript between deck and washing dishes and cooking and a child who needs to be back in school (oh, I mentioned that already, didn’t I?).
Rob reminds me that in two weeks, normalcy will return.
But between now and then:
- a deck needs finishing
- decorative rock applied to the house
- sidewalks to pour
- swim lessons
- school shopping
- alien zucchini to transform into loaves of bread
- two children and all their stuff to move
- and a possible gallbladder extraction to attend to
Sigh, I just want a little me time.
* Teaching used to be an art. It was creative. I had autonomy. Those days are gone. And so am I.
** When showering is the only alone time a couple is getting, aside from going to bed at night, steps need to be taken.
*** FYI. Shopping is seldom about me. This is the time of year that I used to begin my Christmas shopping in the days of yore. I am thinking I need to return to that. There is nothing like finding the perfect gift for someone. Truly.
anniegirl1138 
Definitely sounds like you need some me
time. Hope you get some me time and date time ASAP. ((HUGS))
It sounds like you are exhausted. Find a thing or two to cross off the list and spend that time doing something for yourself. There was a year (or two) that we didn’t do school shopping until after school started, and the kids did just fine. Freeze the zucchini or give it to a neighbor; there’s nothing like pulling zucchini out of the freezer in January and making fresh bread then. Be gentle with yourself.
Yargh! It does get to be a bit much, sometimes. I do hope you get some self and couple nourishment time soon.
I am just worn a bit from the summer and thwarted a bit muse-wise. Nothing that September won’t go a long ways toward fixing.
Thanks for listening (and commenting – I love that you guys commented!)
Whiny? Methinks not. These are the slings and arrows that are inherent in the human condition. Congratulations. You are a member of humanity.
I’ve got a 2 and a 6. It’s pretty smooth sailing for now but as everyone keeps reminding me; little kids, little problems; big kids, bigger problems.
I recently asked Mrs. Wife if she ever misses the camaraderie that comes with employment (she, being a stay at home mom). Her response: “I don’t care if I never work again.
Everyone needs some whine time.
I can certainly relate to the museless marrow syndrom, Annie. And I’d give eyeteeth — someone else’s if necessary — to have a grown kid around so the Falcon and I could have a date night.
If shopping is cathartic and you need it, I say go for it. What’s the worst that can happen? Your mental and emotional health is more important, and I bet your family agrees.
i took time off when kids were born – and found myself overwhelmed by the end of 6 months. didn’t want to be touched, couldn’t concentrate, never a moment alone… always something to do around the house – which was my responsibility since i didn’t have outside responsibility.
i was RELIEVED to go back to work. (guilty, but relieved) And i get cranky sometimes when the kids are home from school – dishes end up in places they shouldn’t, i can’t find the scissors, etc.
no reason to be apologetic about the frustration. you have some relief ahead… in the meantime, SCHEDULE THOSE DATES while the mid-kid is still home to watch BabyD!
Hey, I hear you. Sometimes you just need to be alone, dahlink. Yes, some shopping time alone. Retail Therapy, very therapeutic.
I remember that my mother was shocked that my sister sent my nephew to preschool at 2. But the kid asked so many questions, I told her I’d put him in school, too, to get some peace and quiet. And I remember having my step-son underfoot for two summers. I can so identify. That kid’s lucky he’s still alive after he snuck into my bedroom while I was trying to read there to avoid him, and scared me.