The summer before Will died, I spent nearly every day with him at the nursing home. I was taking master’s courses and laying the groundwork for my master’s thesis.
These were my days if I wasn’t taking a class that week.
- Up by 6AM for both me and BabyD.
- Breakfast and dressed and heading to daycare by 6:45AM
- Out to the nursing home in time to feed Will breakfast and home by 9AM
- Homework, housework, yardwork – whichever was in most need.
- Back to the nursing home to feed Will lunch.
- Pick up BabyD.
- Park or walk
- Feed BabyD and then over to gym for quick workout.
- Home for bath and bed time.
- Homework or housework.
And then because I wasn’t sleeping much I would watch dvd’s. Buffy much of the time. Season six. The year she was brought back from the dead by Willow who was convinced she was in a hell dimension though she was really in heaven. Consequently she was hating on life and feeling very disconnected and alone. It was a very morbid and sad season. I could relate.
But I also watched just about every film that Ewan McGregor ever made that summer too. I liked his eyes. And his smile. But mostly his eyes. It was then I discovered Moulin Rouge.
I ended up buying a copy of my own and eventually the soundtrack.
After Will died the duet that the two main characters sing to each other, Come What May, became one of my playlist standards. To me it seemed an acceptance of the finite nature of relationships brought on by the limitations of being merely mortal and at the same time an acknowledgment of what love gives to us.
Today would have been a ninth wedding anniversary. But I don’t feel like being sad.
Remembering doesn’t have to be sad.