A blogger I read on occasion on the newspaper site in Des Moines announced he was giving up blogging. He cited his time constraints being a new father, and that he felt that to be a blogger a person must have an elevated sense of self-importance.
When I told my husband about this and asked his opinion of the latter statement, he believed that it was true.The look on my face lead him to clarify further that bloggers felt that what they had to say about certain topics was worth the time for other people to read. He went on to remark further that it was evident to him that much of what I wrote about (because his keen sense of husbandly observation picked up on my feeling that I had been maligned by the retiring blogger’s blanket condemnation) were things I felt passionate about and wanted people to know. He felt that we bloggers do have a sense of ourselves – who we are, what we believe, what is important.
A conversation ensued and I made the point that blogging was more than just a diary for some of us. We were writers and any medium which gave us authority over our own words – as opposed to submitting and waiting for someone else to deign to publish us or not – was bound to appeal and attract. Writers need to write and we will invent forums for ourselves when no other outlet can be found.
To be fair to the Register blogger, he was blogging in the hothouse of a news media sponsored site with all the flaming and inbreeding that goes along with it. I stopped blogging there long ago, put off by the commenters and other bloggers who were more interested in the fun of the flame than in honest and open debate. What went on there usually is reserved for message boards and not individuals blogs. However, it was a news site and debates will be heated especially when writers know how to provoke controversy. Newspaper sites give away blog space for a reason. To generate traffic and possible revenue.
The comment had me thinking though and the thoughts were stirred up again by an article in the Globe and Mail about the former Gawker.com editor who was hounded away from her blog there by her too candid revelations about herself and her life. Over the weekend, The New York Times published her 8,000 word piece about her experiences. How she went from a small self-generated blog with a stable readership to the stage of Gawker where her life became more of a story than the celebrities she reported on and ridiculed. The NYT’s article generated hundreds upon hundreds of vicious comments.
This called to mind the media singeing that blogger turned author Dooce received lately when the whole “how much is to much” personal information in a blog came up due to the fact the she built her blog and reputation by writing candidly about herself and her family – particularly her child.
And of course, it brought me back to “why do I blog”?
I began blogging in silence. No one knew of my blog, nor did I attempt to alert anyone to the fact that I was blogging. Occasionally I would write a piece I was particularly proud of and ask someone to go to my site and read it. This didn’t happen often. Much of what I wrote was related to my early widowhood days or even the last few months of my late husband’s life. It was not cheery stuff. Not easy to write or to read.
*Rob was the first person I allowed to read my blog. He asked and I gave him the web address and ever since he is the one person I write for whose opinion matters most. I never really thought much about it until after we were dating seriously and he was reading things about my early days of dating. Even though this took place before I even met him, the idea of him reading that upset me. Despite being only six months earlier, I had changed so much and was still in a such a state of transition that I didn’t want those posts to represent me to him. We had our first “intense” discussion since the Marla Singer incident over those entries and my discomfort.
It was around this time that Rob pointed out a few blogs being written by other widows at the YWBB. Many people there blog, but not all chose to share with the whole community. A wise decision I now realize, but at the time I was interested in reading about other people’s experiences. More than a few of the blogs were not readable for various reasons, the biggest being that blogging requires a love of writing and dedication to posting that eludes most people. I discovered a few though that I began to read on a regular basis, and the first of those was Marsha.
When I first began reading her blog, I was under the impression that she had been widowed for several years instead of being just a few months ahead of me. She wrote with such clarity of thought and purpose. I envied that. I am so scattered in my blogging, then and still.
It was because of her that I added my blog link eventually to my signature line on the widowboard. I wanted to share too. However, I lacked her subtle approach and ability to be serene in the face of displaced emotions.
She is one of the few blogs I subscribe to, and I read every post she writes. She reads here too and occasionally honors me by taking a topic I have written about and running it into the endzone.
I am in awe of her style, flowing and flawless. Far more than myself, she is very aware of grammar and usage. She makes topics her own with glimpses into her thoughts, emotions and life. Her busy life – teaching, wife-ing, mothering and grandmothering (among other things) means she is not a daily poster, but she is worth the wait.
As my blogging took me from here to there in the blogosphere, I began to encounter more and more writers as opposed to those who merely chronicle their lives (and as if that were such a humble thing that it deserved ridicule – Thomas Jefferson copied every letter he wrote for posterity and Ken Burns would not have had a Civil War to document were it not for the letter writers and diarists of that time).
Blogging is a medium that is richer and more fulfilling creatively than its critics have bothered to discover. We are communities. We are activists. We are storytellers. We are reaching out to each other with our words to share ideas and learn from each other.
*Julie Pippert created the Hump Day Hmmph and the topic for this week was.…..”it’s all about the other guy. One of the greatest things we all say we find in blogging is community. What post, blog or blogger has inspired you? It could have been a comment, a post, something someone did. Perhaps you’ve become friends. Big or small, if it moved you and caused you to take action in your own life, tell us about it. Tell us what inspired you, and then let us know the story from there—your story.”
anniegirl1138 
You know, I disagree with that quitting blogger.
I think within any profession you can find the factor that appears to be “elevated level of self-importance.” It’s just super easy to spot in “performers” such as writers.
What makes my husband think he can design schools that districts will want to build and children will be able to learn well in? And yet…he does, and they do. Plus…his schools win awards.
Writers have been gifted with a talent (writing) and if they’re lucky a desire to use that talent to communicate and entertain.
I think your husband nailed it: we have a sense of ourselves and our culture.
What a gift that is, and what a gift to share it, even if others disagree (although I never do like those flames).
Loved learning about Marsha and what her blog has meant to you.
Fab entry. Thanks!
I do agree about the elevated sense of self-importance. Before putting myself in the blogesphere I had to believe someone will think what I am writing is worth reading.
I do find I have to swallow and cringe when posting or emailing my link as it reeks of self-promotion. That is a little against being a demure Canadian which I have never been, but felt the pressure to become.
But for almost 20 years I have been writing and showing it to no one beyond the occasional safe writers’ group. The fact that I’m am willing to do so now, is progress.
Thanks for a great post!
I write and read out of curiosity. I am always curious about how someone got that way. I used to wish I could plug some electrodes into an Alzheimer’s patient’s brain and watch a movie of their life. I think everyone has a story, and I want to know what it is. I guess I think that everyone shares my curiosity, so I tell my stories.
It amazes me when someone reads my blog. I had another blog on another site, which no one read. Except one guy who made me feel stalked. I quit writing there. I am amazed that I have a small, regular readership, and commentors so soon after starting this blog. But the highlight of my day is making the rounds of my commentors to see what’s up in their lives.
UK, I knew you would put this all in perspective for me. What else though from the founder of a theology?
Marsha, I forgot to add that I do think constantly in terms of topics. What I see, read or do (or observe others doing) is fair game. Good thing that most of the people I know in “real” time don’t know about this blog.
My blog is all about my sense of self-importance. If I took the time to think it, why shouldn’t everyone else know it. My mind was God’s gift to me, and my thoughts are my gift to the world. So, you see, it’s a religious experience.
Marsha, you are welcome and I am not surprised you don’t see your writing the same way. There is something about the art that doesn’t allow the artist to allow themselves the satisfaction of feeling that something is done and good.
Rob is a writer but he doesn’t see himself that way because he doesn’t write fiction as I do. He thinks to be a writing you have to be able to make things up. He didn’t write much beyond letters and such before and it took me a while to convince him to blog. I want us to write a book together about us – a double memoir if you will, but he is not willing – yet.
Stella, thank you.
Pammy, I would like to say that the lack of commenting does bug me a little but I can’t. I do like to hear what readers think but I recognize that they have to be moved to say something and that is somewhat of my job. I have no expectations though. I write – blog, non-fic or fiction because I can’t not write.
Daisyfae, the connecting as a blogger is more wonderful than when someone reads your fiction. It’s truer.
Myra, thank you!
Wow–I don’t know what to say..
I know many would find that amazing, but thank you for the kind words. What I find curious, is that I don’t feel the same about my writing. Yes, there are times I feel like I hit a home run, but for the most part I just write what is on my mind.
I do find that since I began to blog–I view the world through “blog entry possibilities”. Do you do that? Someone will say something, do something or I will hear something on television or in the movies and think—“Hmm, I could write about that”. Sometimes this aspect of blogging drives me crazy.
I do write, revise and edit constantly. Which is NOT compatible with my nature at all. I am not sure where this comes from.
You are also one of the few blogs I read every day. I am impressed with your commitment to writing and I know when I enter your blog, I will receive thoughtful, well written prose and always something to think about.
Rob’s blog is another I read every day. Kent finds Rob’s musing his favorite to read. Did Rob write before you were married? Just wondered if he always had this talent or if you brought it out in him.
Happy writing…
Marsha
thoughtful. and as good writing does, provoked some reflection!
i started writing for myself. and my children. simply to eventually tell my fathers story and deal with the daily frustrations of my extended family. the grand surprise? the “resonance” – and the speed at which that resonance of thought can be found!
blogging allows you to read what you like, dismiss what you don’t and connect efficiently to writers/humans of resonance.
yes, there’s some sense of “listen to me! i have something to say!” but where i seem to find the most resonance is where there is passion, or a deeper throttle, for the blogging function…
The thought that I have an elevated sense of importance really got me thinking. I never looked at myself that way – but maybe that is a symptom of self elevation – modesty lol.
I look at it more like this; I am a people pleaser. I get no higher pleasure in anything then knowing that I have pleased someone, made them happy, or helped them along in their life, and so my blog sprung to life. It also gives me a way to reach out to others that I would not ordinarily be able to in my small world. I have met a few very interesting and wonderful people that I probably would not have had to pleasure of meeting without blogging. Of course that is bonus that I really didn’t consider when I started blogging.
I have a VERY small contingent of readers, but you know what? That is fine with me. When someone comments on my blog, (provided it is a tactful post and not an outright flame) I am thrilled to think that someone in this world took the time out of their life to make a mark on my blog.
Knowing that someone reads my blog is a humbling experience for me, I think the bloggers who have the true feeling of self importance (and I have run across many, many of them) EXPECT people to read their blogs and they get their nose pushed out of joint when all readers do not comment. There are others, and I think I am of this group, who feel grateful that their blog is read at all and comments are the icing on the cake. I can’t say that anyone blogger has inspired me, there are many that have, some I still read, like yours, and some who have dropped along the way side for various reasons – the most important usually being they were more of an example of how NOT to blog.
Annie,
I started my journal initially in a private password protected site. It was mainly grief therapy as those who have read my earliest posts may be able to see.
I moved my less personal posts to the open forum when I wanted to share my feelings with more people. I don’t think I’m a serious blogger, but I do enjoy keeping an online diary which is often more of a photo journal than anything. My family has become used to going to my site to see what’s new with us, and someday perhaps my kids can see what makes their mom tick.
I am in awe of those bloggers like you who seem to always have something profound to write about. It’s a nice change from decades ago. We can now see what everyday people think about the issues we face each day. Thanks for all the energy and passion you put into your writing! 🙂
Love,
Stella
nicely said