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I sent an email to my gentleman this morning. He told me last night that he had “fallen” for me and this morning I told him I felt that same way.
Why do I just want to cry now?
It’s nearly noon and I am still in my pajamas. I still love Will but I love R too. And it isn’t as if they conflict or even overlap. They don’t even run parallel. But, they do exist in the same space. I don’t even know what to compare this too. It is so outside of any reference frame I have.
People on the board have compared it to the love you have for your children. Different for each one but just as intense and special. But isn’t quite the same. You expect to have enough love for all your kids, you never expect to meet someone so amazingly wonderful that you would risk losing them forever….again. I have said that I don’t know if I could sit by a man’s side and watch him die, but I wouldn’t want R to be with anyone but me when that day comes. And between now and that far away day, I want to spend every minute I am allowed just being with him.
anniegirl1138 
I wonder how things are for you now? It’s been a long time since you posted this blog, but obviously I’m looking for answers. I’ve been widowed nearly 4 months, he was the love of my life, we were married a long time. I have found someone that has stolen my heart! I’m afraid to tell anyone, for fear of being looked at as a horrible person.
What is your opinion?
This is an old post. How are things? Really good. Rob and I married in June of 2007 and will celebrate our 4th anniversary soon. Our kids are happy and healthy. Our friends and family are adjusted and most of them are pleased – though honestly, it wouldn’t matter if they weren’t. I won’t say that blending or remarriage is a Hollywood rom-com, but it is not a Jerry Springer disaster show either because grief is finite and people do move on – more quickly than is popularly portrayed in grief culture.
My opinion? It shouldn’t matter really. Deep down we all know what is best for us personally and our capabilities for dusting ourselves off after tragedy and rebuilding our lives. Some would say that 4 months is just the tip of the grief iceberg, but Rob met me around that time and he was largely past the worst of his grief. In fact, the most recent research on grieving suggests that 6 months is about the time when most people begin to move on in earnest and that a large percentage of us are “okay” by the year mark. You are a grown woman. You were happily married. You know yourself and you know how relationships work. If you feel ready, then be happy. As far as others go, we let people know on a “need to know” basis, but once we were serious and intent on marriage – we made sure that everyone important in our lives knew about us. Some people will judge you. As my mother always says, “it’s none of my business what other people think of me.” But my favorite way of looking at others’ judging is this:
I’m not gonna sit around and waste my precious divine energy trying to explain and be ashamed of things you think are wrong with me. ~ Esperanza Spalding
Do you have children? Their feelings count. They shouldn’t be allowed to dictate to you but their fears and issues shouldn’t be ignored. Otherwise, anyone else can be unhappy at their peril. You don’t have to take judgment passively or even entertain it at all. It’s your life. Be happy and good luck to you.
Thank you, I thought I was going crazy, yes, crying for the loss, crying for … don’t know what.
how did you cope?
not the same space for me, perhaps different wavelengths?
there is just one, special, space for my dead man. and there might be another space for my new man. parallel? dont’t know.
but again, thanks.
I didn’t cope. I just lived. One foot and then the other. And don’t forget to breathe. It’s really not that hard to love again once you decide it’s okay to do that. It does take a bit of getting used to – the duality – but I am not the first person to have made the adjustment. People do it all the time, so it must be a natural thing.
It gets easier. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.