A writer I met through my blog mentioned in a conversation that her Yoga instructor was always reminding her to not resist (during a pose) but to give in to it.  Anyone who has taken a yoga class or practices it regularly will tell you that the more you resist relaxing into a pose, the harder and more painful that pose will be. I was thinking about this again during my Thursday yoga class. I have been practicing yoga since mid January now and am not a yogina by any means. Every class I am appalled to find yet another errant muscle that has been coasting along with minimal effort for far too long. My hamstrings being a perfect example of style without substance. As I attempted to coerce them into a response other than pain, I put my friend’s yoga instructor’s advice to work – again – and found that I could ease myself just a tad further into position.

“Quit resisting”

My friend uses that line, or something similar, on her children when they are rebelling against things that are good for them in the long run but not so much fun now. Reminds me a little of the Star Trek Next Gen line, “Resistance is futile” because often the things we fight hardest against are not evil Borg attempting to assimilate us, but change that is necessary due to altered circumstances in our lives.  Just the ordinary growth experiences that touch everyone’s lives sooner or later which sounds more innocent than they can sometimes be.

Ironically, during my time on the widow board I was given the very same advice that the yogina gave my friend. “Don’t resist.” Only in this instance it was grief I was being counseled to submit to. Good enough advice in the early months, but many widowed people don’t take it the next logical step which is not resisting your new reality. What they mean when advocating “non-resistance”  is surrender to the ever present undercurrent of sadness. Drowning really. No amount of sorrow however is going to change the fact that forward is the only direction in life. Time runs in one direction and does so with relentless disregard of whether or not a person is coming along willingly or being dragged like Lot’s Wife with both eyes on the past. 

I am going to close with a few passages from the Hip Tranquil Chick:

“while leading a retreat in costa rica last summer, we went to a popular butterfly garden and for the first time i saw a caterpiller emerge from its cocoon into a wet, wobbly butterfly. its next phase was to dry out its wings so it could fly. a truly remarkable sight.

since 1999 when tranquil space began, i have felt like a caterpiller on numerous occasions, struggling to dry my wings and fly. as we embark on this exciting new journey, i return to the image of the wet, wobbly butterfly. change is always scary, sexy, risky, and a constant state despite continual resistance to it.

in buddhism, the concept of impermanence is a gentle reminder that so much of suffering is brought on by resisting change. nothing is our lives is unchanging – our thoughts, emotions, work, relationships. so why the struggle and grasping for continual control? why do we stay in the cocoon?

in college i read that we regret more the things we don’t do than the things we do do. that statement serves as a gentle reminder every time i question emerging from a comfortable cocoon.”