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I missed International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Again. I always miss this made-up Internet bloggy holiday. De-lurking Day has escaped me too, and that’s one I’d love to commemorate because you all are the most reticent bunch.

But I don’t comprehend this fascination with pirate talk. It’s a terrible dialect and a worse accent.

Where is Drawl like the Wind Day? The American Southlands may be home to the more bat-shit crazy of my fellow countrymen, but they talk pretty. Even the crackers.

Or Intone Like Shakespeare Day?

I could get behind that. Seriously. Kenneth Brannagh? Colin Firth? Jane Austen may write narrative that’s thicker than the latest Franzen pseudo-lit tome, but it soothes the ears coming out of the right mouth.

But no, some fool chose pirates. Unless the pirate in question has an underlying accent of note – a Scot or a Brit or even an Aussie – it’s just choking on rrrr’s and that’s French.

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