The city of Brooksville in Florida recently updated the dress code for city workers to include, among other things, the wearing of underwear and deodorant and prohibiting obscene messages on tee’s and provocative undergarments that show.

I am all in favor of not having to see thongs leering at me when women bend over or squat down. I saw plenty of that as a high school teacher and more ass crack than should be considered reasonable in an educational setting. I am still caught off guard and a bit disgusted when I run across the mothers of my daughter’s peers with thongs on display and visible crack issues when they sit down. Obscenities on clothing are out of place in most workplaces too though I won’t rule it out  entirely. Deodorant is just a common courtesy in warm environments or if you are the kind of person who sweats a lot. But underwear?

Why is it necessary to wear underwear? Could it be the bra-less woman thing? Some people are put off, or simply befuddled to the point of being unable to concentrate, when confronted by a woman who isn’t wearing a bra. But I can’t see how shunning underwear impedes work or productivity overall if it’s not apparent to the naked (yeah, I am attempting a bad pun) eye.

A friend of my late husband’s claimed to be able to tell when a woman was sans panties. At the time, I was about half and half on my panty wearing, so I was curious to know how he could tell.

“It’s the panty lines,” he said. “Doesn’t matter what they do, they can’t really hide the dimples and bulges.”

Of course anymore, bulging and muffining are givens regardless because no one seems willing to wear the proper size of pants. And he was right. Even the thinnest, most toned women have the tell-tale creases of underwear when they are in dress pants or Lycra.

But I still don’t understand the “underwear” edit. Is it more sanitary perhaps? That extra fabric layer between the bum and the office chairs? Is it an absorbency thing? Catching the “juices” and holding them so they don’t leak into the air or through the pants or skirt. Is it a skirt thing? Are women in Florida going all Basic Instinct with beaver flashing?

I so seldom wear a bra that my daughter comments when I do,

“Why are you wearing a bra, Mom? Is something wrong?”

I think she equates them with band-aids.

And I don’t wear underwear. I just can’t stand the restrictiveness and have yet to find a brand that doesn’t dig or slide around. I guess the city council in Florida is okay with its employees digging underwear out of their cracks or constantly readjusting in some other way. 

I know you can test for drugs and aberrant personalities before hiring someone for a job, but how does one test for underwear? Are they going to use those new full body scanners they have in some airports now? Will they put cameras in the washroom stalls? Or will the boss just grab your ass every morning for  a quickie inspection?

It’s a good thing I don’t need employment outside my home right now. And that I live in Canada – where the people are free thinking enough to allow same sex marriage and just say no to the RIAA – rather than Florida. But I will keep my eyes open for  underwear scofflaws like myself. Just to see if I can see them.