Gallup published the findings of its on-going health and well-being survey and discovered that Americans would be happier and healthier if they lived in Denmark. Using the same poll, 83% of Danes are not just happy and healthy, they are thriving. Compare that to the United States were just 49% of people are thriving while nearly as many people are struggling (47%) if not actively suffering (4%).

This probably comes as no news to Americans who are in the middle of a presidential election that likely won’t rid the White House of the Republican menace and enduring yet another slide in home valuations amid economic slow down, sky-rocketing gasoline prices and steadily increasing food prices. Americans know that it sucks to be them, and if they didn’t after Barack Obama set them straight on their “bitterness” problem that manifests in a complusive need to go to church, legally arm themselves and talk smack about immigrants, well now they do.

And if you are thinking that this might be some worthless study that some pointy domed researcher at Harvard will parse into a best-selling self-help tome to secure his tenure and meet Oprah, you would be correct in thinking so as there is plenty of precedent – but still very wrong. The researchers hope that their findings which can be broken down by occupation, commute time and exercise habits, will help employers better understand what they can do to create happier and healthier workers. And if that isn’t enough to give the thinking person nightmare visions of the future, there is the further hope that these same statistics could even be used to compare health and happiness by ZIP code, creating quite a measuring stick for future generations of politicians.

Excuse me? There is happiness to be found as a cog in the great wheel of capitalism while being political pawns of Satan?

And it gets better.

“There’s never been anything quite like it,” said Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel Prize winner in economic sciences.

“You’re getting details about what it’s like to live in this country,” said Kahneman, a Princeton University professor brought in by Gallup to discuss the potential uses for the data. “What is the experience of the weekend? What is the experience of the weekday for someone who is sick and has to go to work in the morning? We are going to learn a great deal about what are the determinants of actual happiness.”

Determinants of actual happiness? Weekends. They make most people happy whereas having to go to work sick – not so much. They need to break down data to figure this out? Yes. The answer is yes because it’s not about people being happy and healthy and thriving. It’s about corporations making profits for shareholders and politicians manipulating the masses sedated with “happiness”. Kind of Matrix-y, don’t ya think? Find out what people want and plug them into it.