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In the Edmonton Journal Friday there was an article about government agencies, political groups and corporations that have been tampering with information they find objectionable on the Wikipedia site. Apparently Wikipedia has a program created by Virgil Griffiths, an Alabama-born Cal Tech grad student, that allows the site to track those who come there to add or edit the various articles there. Among the addresses associated with tampering with/deleting information Wikipedia discovered isp’s belonging to the CIA, the National Democratic Party, the Church of Scientology, a voting machine supplier named Diebold and the Vatican. Persons using these particular addresses were deleting or changing information that might be seen as unfavorable to their organization, or in the case of the CIA, simply vandalizing entries. I would like to say I am shocked to hear that the Democratic congressional Campaign Committee had added information to the entry on Rush Limbaugh calling him an “idiot”, a “racist” and a “bigot” or that the reference to his listeners as being “legally retarded” was a mistake, but I’m not. Anonymity brings out unacceptable and even herd mentality in the most mature adults when it comes to message boards or any public internet space where people are allowed, encouraged even, to voice their opinions and views. I was recently reading an article on MSNBC about immigration and clicked on the chat option to see what other readers were thinking about what they had read and was again not particularly surprised to learn that most of them were thinking that a previous poster in the conversation was a complete moron or worse.

 

Back in the day when I was watching soap operas I would frequent the ABC boards in hopes of picking up spoilers on different story-lines or characters but instead often ran across vehement and vicious arguments between regular posters over some of the most banal topics which is quite a feat when the topic to begin with is a soap opera. Name calling and character assassination was the norm and the idea of a civilized debate or even agreeing to disagree was considered foreign if not completely absurd. It’s interesting to me how easily we can dehumanize the being on the other side of the broadband and convince ourselves that they are not entitled to the same type of polite deference that would apply in a room full of people having the exact same conversation. Though I know that there are people whom face to face interaction is no deterrent, and who would think nothing of arguing and belittling those who disagreed with them or questioned their behavior, most people are not of that nature and yet are just as easily sucked in to the most appalling confrontations once they are seated at a keyboard. I guess it is no different than email which, if I am to believe the authors of the new book on email etiquette, is also a means of behaving like high schoolers in a clique war.

 

It shouldn’t surprise anyone. The internet has made it possible for vast numbers of diverse populations to gather and share information, form relationships and bridge the geographical obstacles that keep us from being the one rather gigantic community that we make up as members of the human race. The tipping point for a manageable community is about 150 people. Past that loyalty limits are exceeded and tension and strife set in. Many internet communities, certainly Wikipedia, exceed that by many times. Perhaps it is truly our nature to be aggressive and adversarial like animals who mark and guard their territories. Or maybe, we are just egocentric beings who only interact peaceably in the face of external pressures that society creates for us and the internet is still the cyber equivalent of the wilds, the last untamed frontier. Ultimately it really doesn’t matter why, but it is certainly disheartening and not in the least surprising which might be the most depressing thing of all.


 

Widows and widowers seem to be chic these days. Jude Law is a widower with two young daughters in The Holiday. Jim Belushi is a widowed dad as well in the new Underdog film. Jennifer Garner is not-quite-widowed in Catch and Release though anyone who has lost a fiance could tell you it is really the same thing but for the formalities. The movie Premonition is about a widow. In The Prestige, one of the main characters is widowed early on and the other is widowed about half way though. Someone on the widow’s board wondered idly today why all children’s movies, though I would say movies in general, have widows in them. Widows probably do not make up even half of the characters in films these days but when James Bond is a widower, it gets you wondering.

 

And it isn’t just now or even just movies. When I was a kid most of the television shows I watched seemed to have widowed parents.  There was My Three Sons with Fred MacMurray. He played a widowed father with three boys and ended up marrying a widow with a small daughter at one point. The interesting thing about that is that I can remember the show actually dealing with issues that I have come to know intimately as a widow myself. The Courtship of Eddie’s Father was about widower and the very young son who was trying to fix him up. Of course there was the Brady Bunch. Two widowed people and kids blending into a new family. The show only dealt with the kids deceased parents in the first episode if I remember correctly and they were blithely forgotten thereafter. I have a friend even who was surprised to learn that Mr and Mrs Brady were widowed. She had always thought they were divorced. Mrs. Partridge was a widow. The mom on Petticoat Junction was widowed.  Jed Clampett was a widower. (Dang am I dating myself!) Oh, and don’t forget Ben Cartwright. Poor guy was widowed three times. 

 

I Love Lucy had two widows, Lucy and her friend Vivian. Even The Doris Day Show was about a widow with children, but only for the first three seasons. The fourth season found her inexplicably single and childless. If only real life was as simple as a rewrite.

 

The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew had widowed fathers. Florida Evans lost James on Good Times. Willis and Arnold were the sons of a widow adopted by a widower after they were orphaned. 

 

Even when I was “grown-up” I couldn’t seem to escape fictional widows. Dr, Westphal on St. Elsewhere was a widower with two children, one of them autistic. Cher played a widow. Twice. In The Witches of Eastwicke and again in Moonstruck, which is ironically one of my favorite movies ever. If it weren’t for the fact that characters on soap operas never stay dead (a neat trick most widows would wish their spouses could learn) I could recount a dozen more. Oh, but I forgot Jenny on All My Children. She stayed dead. but she might be about the only one.

 

I am not sure I appreciate this new awareness even in retrospect. And is there anything to be learned from all these media models past? No. Except maybe this, that death is part of life and art, if you want to call it that, imitates it. 


Lisa Kogan writes a regular column for O magazine. She tries to tackle a variety of issues in a humorous manner, and she usually fails…..to be funny though she certainly does cover diverse ground. In the September issue she ponders what type of man she could see herself getting involved with if something ….fatal…..befell her boyfriend of just over a year. For the record, she promises to mourn a respectful amount of time before falling madly in love with someone else. Read Full Article