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Special Marriage Meme for Our Anniversary


I found this months ago on Archie’s site and thought it appropriate for the celebration of Rob and my second wedding anniversary which is today. Archie found it originally over at Litlove’s delightful blog and then saw it again on Lily’s entertaining blog.

What are your middle names?

Mine is “Marie” the same as my mother’s. Rob’s middle name is “Shaun”. I don’t know the significance of it.

How long have you been together?

We met on the YWBB, specifically on a post he put up on the general section of the board. That was in December of 2006. Rob saved that post. Our first long conversation was in a chat room. We ended up being the last two people there despite the fact that there was another woman stalking Rob at the time and pulling him out to side chats. Eventually he ditched her to talk with me although on the surface neither of us were looking at our getting to know each other as anything more than virtual friends. 

How long did you know each other before you began dating?

We were e-mail pals for about  five or six weeks before we were more than that. We were in contact just about every day. Support at first but that changed rather quickly and became more of the getting to know you stuff that happens when people first meet. 

Who asked whom out?

He sent me an e-mail the day after the first anniversary of Will’s death. It was long, rambling, very sweet. I was stunned. I liked him, but he’d been so adamant about internet romances being bad things (there was a lot of that going around on the widda board at the time) that I put the idea way on the back burner. My BFF was always pushing me to try and sound him out about the possibility of he and I, but I rebuffed her. I respected Rob too much and wasn’t going to endanger our friendship by being forward. Our first “date” was via the phone. I was reluctant to go to the phone. I don’t do “good phone”, but he was as easy to talk to as he was to correspond with.

How old are you?

I was born in Iowa in 1963. He was born in Ontario in 1961. I have never been younger than a man I was with. It’s kinda fun. He grumps a bit because he was younger (a few months) than Shelley and he hates having lost the age “advantage”.

Whose siblings do you see the most?

Mine, I guess, but we live pretty far away from family. Rob’s siblings are younger (some a lot younger) and they aren’t a close-knit group. I have met only his sisters and not his younger brother. Funnily, I have met all of Shelley’s siblings, nieces and nephews and many of her cousins, aunts and uncles.

My sister, DNOS, and her husband and son are the ones we see the most, aside from Shelley’s family.  My younger siblings are not really part of our lives, but Rob has met them both. He’s also met much of my extended family and I have met a few of his mom’s extended family.

Which situation is hardest on you as a couple?

I had to think about this a long time because I don’t think we have any issues that are “hard”. There have been issues that have come up concerning the children and other family members, but nothing that we couldn’t deal with. Recently we have been tossing around the “where will we be buried” thing again. I have a plot back in Des Moines where Will is but haven’t much desire to be buried there myself. Rob’s late wife is still, mostly, in a container in our basement. I think it would be easier if we all just faded into nothingness like Yoda did, but that’s just me.

Did you go to the same school?

No.

Are you from the same home town?

No. Not even the same country.

Who is smarter?

That depends on who you are asking and what the topic is, but generally, I would say he is a tad bit smarter than I am in most areas and a whole lot smarter in his fields of expertise.

Who is the most sensitive?

To others? He is. I am about as tactful as a face plant on the pavement. In terms of personal slight? That would be me. My feelings get hurt very easily because I read things into people’s actions and words that perhaps they don’t realize they are telegraphing along with the surface content. It has made life hard for me and sometimes still, I feel the need to back away from humanity to ease the scraped raw feeling I get from being too close.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?

My food allergies make eating out … challenging. There is a place I love in Edmonton called The High Level Diner, but mainly, it’s Humpty’s, Boston Pizza and Subway.

Where is the furthest you have traveled together as a couple?

By road? To Iowa and then southern Illinois for our honeymoon. But long trips are a fact of life here in the Great White North. No place we have been has been less than a five hour drive. We’ve been to Jasper to get married, Regina and Penticton to visit Rob’s mom, Fairmont Hot Springs and Revelstoke for vacations. We’ve gone farther north (yes, there is a farther north) to Grande Prairie for funerals. Rob and I also went to Arkansas on our first road trip, and we met in person for the first time in Idaho Falls.

Who has the craziest exes?

We don’t have those. My husband is buried in Iowa and his wife’s remains are in a container in our basement.  So what we have is … unusual … by the standards of many.

Who has the worst temper?

We have the same temper and that is the problem. We are both the stewing sort that give off radioactive heat, but we really don’t disagree that often and we are both working on the whole “talking” as opposed to “clamming up” thing and I must say we have made remarkable progress on that front. 

Who does the most cooking?

He did in the beginning because I had never really cooked an entire meal family style before in my life. I do the lion’s share now but he is good with breakfast on vacations and weekends.

Who is the most stubborn?

Again, kind of a “two peas” situation. I am the more flexible though, imo.

Who hogs the bed most?

Me. I am a snuggler. He moves away (because I apparently give off quite a bit of heat) and I follow until he is clinging to the side of the bed. He takes all the covers though.

Who does the laundry?

Me mostly but he will often take it upon himself to do the wash. He folds too – much better than I do. I can’t complain at all when it comes to the housewifey things. Rob has the attitude that he is as responsible as I am for cleaning and whatnot.

Who’s better with the computer?

Not even a contest, he is.

Who drives when you are together?

Rob always drives even on long trips (because I drive too slow – the speed limit). I prefer to be driven really. It would be nice to live in a place where one is able to walk most everywhere but that’s not the reality right now.


So there you have it. If anyone is inclined, please join in the “Marriage Meme”. 


Dead Icons


The “power of three” is not to be trifled with and is not subject to earthly explanation. In the celebrity realm the more famous or iconic you are, the more danger you are in of succumbing to the it.

Michael Jackson could attest to this were he not dead. He is the third in the Grim Reaper’s trio of famous recalls this week, Ed McMahon and Farah Fawcett having gone on ahead.

According to my husband, talk radio was ablaze with the news of Jackson’s death on his drive home from work late this afternoon.

“Shepard Smith sounded like he was about to burst into tears,” he told me in a bemused tone.

The Facebook and Twitter feeds were running about fifty-fifty between genuine grief and good riddance. I understand those who feel Jackson’s loss as deeply as though he were a friend or extended family member. He grew up with some of us. We remember he and his brothers. And he become a pop-icon to a generation or two as a grown man during the 80’s, leading him to self-christen himself the “King of Pop” and lead them along with his fantasy view of himself and the world.

I remember the cartoon.

I can still listen to Jackson 5 stuff without cringing – almost. But I can’t listen to Thriller. Although I think the LP is still at my mom’s, and I danced along with everyone else in college, Jackson was a pedophile and his music – for me – is as tainted as he was. Being dead doesn’t change that for me.

I read a tweet that summed it up nicely:

RT @Sarcomical: media/individuals seem to be mourning loss of what Jackson represented for them in 80’s. not the human he recently was.

Poor Farrah and Ed – people who probably deserve more memorializing than they will get now that the behemoth that was Michael Jackson has eclipsed them with his passing. I don’t think talent or a long past celebrity is reason enough to overlook the kind of man he eventually revealed himself to be.

Just saying.

A Blog Starter


Life and novel are sucking the blogging creativity out of my marrow these days. So I am going to continue “liberating” ideas from my gentle readers and friends on an as needed basis until further notice.

Today I borrow once again from Alicia who kindly blogged this for the purpose of supplying me. Many thanks, dear. It’s meant to be a meme, but I am using it as a “starter” like the prompts I would write for my students when the whiteness of page blinded their inner muses into mute, deer in the headlight silence.

A – Age: I am 45 and a half, but sometimes I feel much older – like when my knees ache on damp, rainy days or after a long mountainous hike. And sometimes I feel much younger. Like when I am listening to my step-daughters talk about the new Star Trek movie or their plans for the summer and beyond. It doesn’t seem possible to me to have “children” who are so grown. My niece Chance is getting married in the fall. She’ll be 24 soon. That is an old and young thing so rolled up I can’t even begin to separate it. She was four when I met her. I gave her crayons and paper and she drew while her mom and I worked on lessons plans for an organization unit we were creating for the sixth graders. Soon she is going to be married and even more my peer than my daughters. Astonishing.

B – Band listening to right now: The iPod is currently playing A to Zed. I think I am in the D’s. Very random and probably why my knees hurt so much. I am walking lost in the memories of music.


C – Career future: Alicia mentioned that the concept of career was a concept indeed and I concur. I have never really thought of what I do as a career because work has never consumed or defined me. Teaching was for a long time something I really liked to do. It was fun. Blogging, even during the dry spells, is fun. Writing fiction is challenging but still technically fun under the heading of “better than work at Starbucks”.

My goal is to write fiction and supplement by teaching, creative writing hopefully, though I toy with the idea of being a yogina. My current instructor is keen to expand and take on other instructors. If we end up staying here in The Fort until Rob retires, that would be okay too.


D – Dad’s name: It was Donald. In his immediate family I don’t think I ever heard anyone refer to him as “Don” or “Donnie”. Mom called him “Don” as did most of his friends.


E – Easiest person to talk to:  Rob is the easiest person to talk to about anything. I can carry on conversations with most anyone, but the depth level will vary with my trust in a person, and I can seem to be very open even when I am not at all.


F – Favorite song:  I don’t have a favorite above all others. Every song I have ever heard is connected to single moments or whole eras of my life in such a way as to give them meaning. I can hear a song and remember who I was pining for or what movie I’d just seen and with whom or where in the world I was at that moment. I don’t think songs are like flavors of ice cream or running shoes. The variety should be infinite and they should evoke feeling that puts you back in the moment. Music is a true time machine.


G – Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms:  Gummy anything disgusts me. And I hate picking it off my teeth. Most unpleasant.


H – Hometown:  Dubuque and Des Moines are my hometowns because I grew-up in both places. Dubuque is where I literally grew up and Des Moines is where I actually became an adult.


I – Instruments:  I studied piano for four or five years as a child. I played the baritone and the bass clarinet in high school. I occasionally fight off the urge to buy a guitar because I long to learn to really play an instrument well enough to simply sit and pick out tunes I know and sing along. It’s easy to resist the impluse buy because I play string instruments left-handed despite being a rightie. I took violin lessons for a short time when I was in 4th grade. I was a natural but it conflicted with recess and playing ball, so it was short-lived. But I instinctively use my right hand for chords/note and strum/bow with the left. A leftie like Paul McCartney. Can’t explain that. Anyway, you don’t run across many guitars that are strung for lefties. You have to ask special.


J – Job: Have had plenty of them but never found the early ones to be anything other than legalized slavery. I don’t understand at all why people don’t rise up in revolt on a daily basis given the mindlessness of what they do. Teaching as I did I contributed to the sheople herd and it bothers me.


K – Kids:  I have some of those. The older girls were out on Father’s Day. Grown children are amazing. They carry on conversations. It’s different with Dee who still talks at me or asks me questions. 


L – Longest car ride ever:  The drive to Dubuque when Dad was dying. We went straight through and as we meandered up and down the rollercoaster that passes for a highway between Sioux City and Ames, I began to wonder if we weren’t caught in some Twilight Zone time loop because we never seemed to get closer to where we were going. It was a Friday night. High school football in every little place we stopped.


M – Mom’s name:  Ruth is her name. Like the book of Ruth. When I was little, I had a coloring book that told stories from the Old Testament. One was the tale of how Boaz had negotiated for the widow, Ruth, with her in-laws. He gave them one of his sandals. I think it was a show of good faith, but my parent’s friends thought it was hysterical that Ruth could be bought for the price of a shoe. They took to calling Dad “Boaz” after that. They were wrong. Ruth was not bought. She was a widow and therefore got to decide whether or not she would marry again. Her mother-in-law was the one who urged her to consider Boaz and remarriage because she was young and had a long life ahead and didn’t owe that to her husband’s memory or his mother.


N – Number of people you slept with: Ever? Why would anyone ask – or even more foolishly, answer – such a question. On a nightly basis, I sleep with Rob. I think that’s enough information.


P – Phobia[s]:  I am generally speaking a fearful person, but can’t think of anything that freaks me out to the point of simply not being able to do it. I could do anything if I had to. I really dislike the dentist but that’s because most hygenists are ham-handed.


Q – Quote: “Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.”

Jane Wagner said this. She is best known as a collaborator of Lily Tomlin’s but I discovered she also wrote the CBS School Special, J.T. which is just about one of my favorite childhood tv memories. It’s about a boy in Harlem who finds a sickly cat and makes a home for it despite his family being too poor to afford a pet. I was about seven maybe when I first saw it.


R – Reason to smile: I am loved.


S – Song you sang last: On my walk yesterday I skipped “E” and most of “G” but I sang along with Kenny Rogers’ Gambler and The Gourds “Gin and Juice” remake of the Snoop Dog song. Of course I sing Carpenters, even when it is sad beyond what should be allowed and Abba is a give regardless.


T – Time you wake up:  Between 6 and 7:15 depending. Now that the blinds are up and school is nearly out, I am hoping for 8AM. I really need to catch up on some sleep. Any sleep.


U – Unknown fact about me: Because there are plenty of those left now.


V – Vegetable you hate: I am not keen on artichokes.


W – Worst habit: I forget to turn lights off. I got into the habit of leaving lights on all the time shortly after Will died which was odd because it had been just Dee and I on our own for well over a year and I hadn’t any fears about the dark at all. I think it accelerated though after the Creepy Guy next door found out Will had died and began watching me all the time. Then there were the escaped fugitives that hide in the green spaces around where we lived that fall, triggering a manhunt complete with closed streets and SWAT teams moving neighborhood to neighborhood.

Now it is just a bad habit that drives Rob to distraction and I am working on it with varying degrees of success. I am getting better but mostly because Dee, who copies everything Rob does and says, has taken to reminding me as well.


X – X-rays you’ve had: What an odd thing to want to know about a person. My wrist – which was broken. My ankle – which was not although I ripped all the ligaments. Chest x-rays for pneumonia. Upper and lower GI’s. My urinary tract (because they thought at one point I had only one kidney and a deformed uterus which turned out not to be the case at all). I have also had ultrasounds for gallbladder issues and pregnancy. I think, all in all, that my internal self has been well-charted.


Y – Yummy food: There is much yummy food to be had in the universe but most of it is off-limits. I find conversations about food and events where food is the focus or omnipresent to be profoundly distressing/depressing.


Z – Zodiac sign: I am a Sagittarian with Sagittarius rising born in the year of the Water Rabbit. I think my moon is in Taurus or Virgo. In the end this makes me a contradiction and not everyone’s cup of joe.