Page 203 of 524

Hmmming on HumpDay


I used to participate in a Wednesday blogging exercise inspired by Julie Pippert called The Hump Day Hmmm. She would chose a topic, blog about it and invite others to join in and link their opinion pieces to her blog. It’s been a long while since she’s been that active in the sphere, but I kinda miss those op-ed opportunities.

I haven’t anything to “hmmm” about that I haven’t bored you all with before and recently too. There is my heightened suspicions about the decline and eventual fall of the status quo I know as my native land, and my feelings about their moral ambiguity when it comes to the decency of a government run health care system as opposed to the haphazard system there is now, which is little more than capitalist driven rationing and a lot more like death panels than any of the opposition is smart enough to realize.

If I were to resurrect the Wednesday option of  “hmming”, what topics should I cover? I will open the comments to suggestions today. Politics? Paranoid conspiracy theories on world dominance? Love and relationships? Movies? Books? Writing?

Dreams, vivid and utterly nonsensical, have been exhausting me nightly again. Rob thinks I should write them down. Not because he thinks some pattern or theme will emerge, but because they are so completely strange in a head tilting, entertainment sort of way. Like the one I had Monday night about living in a castle in what appeared to be medieval England. Rob was the lord of the estate where we lived and I was perpetually moving from one room to the next, cleaning, organizing servants, children and various relations who seemed incapable of being anything but underfoot. Oh, and Rob looked like Colin Firth. Only it was Rob.

“It was Colin Firth,” Rob said when I told him about the dream.

“No,” I said, “it was one of those dreams where people I know look like someone else but are still who I think they are, which is very confusing but is a clue that I am just dreaming.”

“I think you have a thing for Colin Firth,” he says knowingly. “Maybe we should rethink that celebrities we are allowed to have sex with list.”

I totally nixed the idea of a celebrity exemption list a long time ago. First, it’s based on a ridiculous premise and second, I don’t share. I don’t care who or what the circumstances. I don’t share.

“No,” I reply.

“C’mon,” Rob teases me, “you know you want to.”

“No, I don’t. It’s a dumb idea and I have no interest in entertaining it.”

“So, I guess that means I can’t have a list?”

Somehow I don’t think celebrity exemption lists are high-minded enough for “hmmming” though they do meet the ‘hump” requirement.

Shall I “hmmm” on Wednesdays for a while? And will you join me?

The Exception


We watched a romcom over the weekend based on a dating/relationship book that sprung from a cutesy (but very true) line on an episode of Sex and The City, which I never saw. Based on the rather roundabout route the idea for this movie took from conception to the big screen, the likelihood of it being anything more than a time suck that steals hours from one’s life was rather small, and the premise itself ensured that it would be more sadly true than funny. But I found a few things worth pondering hidden between the painful reminders of what it is like to be single/unmarried when you would rather not be.

1) That the idea of soulmates should not be taught to our children – our daughters especially. One of the story lines followed a young woman determinedly pursuing a married man based on the faulty  idea that one can simply find the person you were meant to be with (who means for this to be is never made clear or even discussed) via chance and regardless of whether this person is already in a relationship, the universe will bend to your greater destiny.

This is, of course, bullshit. Sure, the characters (and probably you too) can recite anecdotal stories of two people meeting while married/committed to others, running off and living happily ever after for decades together. But as a male character points out at one point in the movie – they are exceptions in a world where nearly everyone is always the rule.

2) Which brings me to the “rules”. We allow our teens and young adults to teach each other how to date/mate, and most of what they have to say to each other is wrong and reinforces nonsense and fantasy.

3) Living together is not the path to marriage for most couples and there are very few couples who forego marriage completely who go on to live out their days together (and please don’t remind me of the handful of rather public figures who buck this trend – they are exceptions and most people are rules. In your real life, how many common-law couples of decades do you know? I know three and two are same-sex and don’t have the marriage option – they would be married if they did.)

4) The reason most people are single is that they believe the chase has something to do with love. It doesn’t. If it’s love, there is no chase. Or they confuse what the movie calls “the spark” with real feelings.

5) If someone is “into you”, they are always available, kind, concerned and interested. They are never too busy. They call back, show up and generally can’t see or hear from you enough. That’s actually what being the “exception” is. It’s too bad that it’s so difficult for so many to understand that being this kind of “exception” is better.

This is what I have learned:

  • Know what you want.
  • Ask for it.
  • Walk away when you don’t get it.
  • Trust that in doing so you are opening yourself for someone who gets you as you are.

You can be the “exception” if you remember that the “rules” as played by most people are not interested in promoting long-lasting, healthy relationships.

Those Who Can’t


I was reading The Swivet last Friday and saw this:

It rarely takes more than a page to recognize that you’re in the presence of someone who can write, but it only takes a sentence to know you’re dealing with someone who can’t.

(By the way, here’s a simple way to find out if you’re a writer. If you disagree with that statement, you’re not a writer. Because, you see, writers are also readers.)

It was right after a trip to the mailbox where I received my latest fiction story rejection. Per usual, I got a personal note. They liked the premise but didn’t think there was enough conflict or at least not a “big problem for the main character to deal with/solve”.  Apparently, the moral ambiguity  involved in selling terminally ill individuals as though they were shoes doesn’t count as conflict which is, of course, not the point. If I have to explain the conflict, I failed. It’s that simple.

And by the way, I don’t disagree with the quote at all. It’s something I struggled with as a teacher and more recently in writing groups. Which is why I agree with the other quote by writer/director Josh Olson on the importance of being honest rather than breaking your brain to find something positive or encouraging or worst of all – nice – to say.

I think a lot about the idea of focus. What do I write best? I should be putting my energy there. Right?