SAHM


Okay, so because I haven’t joined nearly enough blog sites (MSN-Spaces, dot.mac, LiveJournal, Blogger, Blogher, NaBloMo) or have blogs enough, I went to WordPress the other day and started a whole new account and am rebuilding this site essentially at WordPress. A really neat function allowed me to transfer all the stuff at Blogger (which are the same posts as here) to WordPress. I called the site Anniegirl1138 which was my “handle” at the YWBB. In my first post there I explained the story behind the name too. While most people at the widow board tend to create monikers based on their loss, my name was all about me. What an selfish little thang I am, eh? But I saw being there as being about me anyway. Not Will. I was there to see if I was normal (found out that normal is a bit more relative than I had believed it to be) and to rant (as I had no outlet for it in my real time) and I wanted to find people who were coping, internalizing and moving on – which is what I was more than ready to do. Rob was teasing me a bit this morning about naming my site for myself as he is grappling with what to call his on site. I named this site Second Edition because it was the second blog after my Widowed:The Blog at MSN-Spaces, literal name and boring, but I like the idea of my blog being christened with my online persona.

WordPress is a bit more complicated and I am still playing with the free features before I upgrade (which I think I will have to do to get the cool stuff) but I think it will eventually be my permanent – and only – online home. I want to continue this blog there and also have a page for my writing and a page of resources for widowed people – just cause I want to help and I haven’t much of an outlet for that right now.

Cell phone novels are a big Japanese thing right now. I went to look at a couple of blog articles on them and wondered if I could do something like that myself. It made me wonder too if I could, or should, put some of my own fiction online. I used to write fanfic in the long ago. It was fun to get feedback and have an audience that was so immediate. It reminded me of when I was a sophomore in high school and I was writing a soap opera satire that all my friends (and even kids who weren’t my friends) were asking to read it. I couldn’t write fast enough. I love writing for people. How did I lose that? Why did I forget that? Oh, yeah – I was told I wasn’t quite good enough when I tried to go back and get into the Writer’s Workshop at Iowa. Now if that happened I would chalk it up to a problem with the source but then I was twenty-seven and very insecure.

Rob and I have talked more about the Texas move and my working and my writing. I am being silly to worry about what feminist society thinks about my role. Shouldn’t my role be whatever I choose for it to be? I choose to be a writer who does the stay at home stuff. Men are practically applauded for that but women are selling themselves short and up shit creek at the same time. As Rob has pointed out on many an occasion, who decided that career and all its material accouterments were the be and end all? If everyone let fear of failure or loss of status or society’s aversion to living a scaled -down material life get in the way of the pursuit of one’s true talents, interests and dreams what a real shit-hole this life would be.


I nearly found myself apologizing to the barista at Starbucks yesterday for not being employed. Although I only sometimes ponder my enforced unemployment on a deep and meaningful level, I haven’t been ashamed of it, yet. And it would be hard to find a reason to be ashamed. According to the latest census, Alberta has the highest two parent family rates in the country. Well over 70% with the majority still being married couples as opposed to common-law. The county we live in has the highest per capita income levels of the province and even without much of a sample to poll, it is becoming very clear to me that many women here have just part time jobs, if they work at all. Frankly, I am more ashamed to be lumped in with the SAHM crowd than I am to actually being jobless. Most conversations center around children. The ones you have. The ones your kids interact with. Those who are related to you in some fashion and, of course, the ones you think aren’t being raised all that well. It makes me a bit nostalgic for the teachers’ lounge. Read Full Article


This will probably sound quite odd but until I married Rob, I had never really prepared supper in the traditional sense. When I was growing up, it was my mother who cooked and my sister and I who cleaned up. It was a routine that worked well for my mother and although she claims she tried to teach me to cook, the truth is that she taught me to bake. Cookies, cakes, dessert bars, pies, bread. These were uber time consuming tasks that she didn’t enjoy at all and I can remember being assigned the task of replenishing the cookie jar literally from scratch on many a Saturday morning in my junior high and high school days. Consequently I can follow a recipe but when it comes to the more complex task of preparing multiple dishes for the evening meal, I am at a disadvantage. I don’t really have the knack for organization that you need when all the “ingredients” of a dinner have to be ready at the same time.

 

I think maybe Rob thought I was exaggerating a bit when I told him I don’t cook and hadn’t really ever made dinner, or supper as it is known here in Alberta, but it just wasn’t something I ever needed to be able to do. I was on my own until I met my first husband. When we were first married, dinner consisted of me taking something to him at the paint store he worked at as a second job. It was usually later in the evening, so I would hit a drive-thru, tacos or a burger and fries. I seldom ate with him because I ate breakfast and then lunch so early in the day, being a teacher, that I couldn’t wait until 7 or so at night for another meal. Often I stayed and we would chat while he wolfed down his food in-between customers, but more often than not he was too busy and I would simply drop off his dinner and stop back in at closing time which normally coincided with the end of my nightly run. When Katy came along, Will was already ill. He was still preparing most of the evening meals but they were inedible for a nursing mom of a lactose intolerant baby and he wouldn’t eat anything I prepared because it was never what he was hungry for at the time. I quickly gave up and we prepared our meals separately. It was really not much different than being single. After he was ill, he barely ate. It made no sense to prepare a meal when he wasn’t eating more than it took to keep a small house pet alive and Katy wasn’t really eating much more as she was still more interested in nursing than food unless it was fruit or veggies. Then it was just Katy and I, and I couldn’t eat and she was a grazer. Which brings me up to marriage again and a new husband who was used to dinner at the table (though he will admit sometimes that often he ate in front of the TV off a TV table). In the beginning I let him do it, and I sometimes still let him do it, but I am slowly getting used to the Mrs. Cleaver (not Brady because Carol had Alice for the heavy lifting) routine of supper, not dinner, on the table in the evenings when Rob gets home from work.

 

I am slowly building a meager repertoire. Tacos, from a kit. Spaghetti, green salad and garlic toast (okay, Rob still does the toast though I can now peel, and mince when necessary, the garlic clove……yes, fresh garlic, don’t act so surprised.) Tuna with salad. Steamed veggies and rice. Feta cheese pizza. Pancakes. Rob still makes the “cracked eggs” for wraps though I prepare the veggies, and he prepares a delicious salmon and grills a mean selection of veggie meat products. I guess supper should be a joint effort when time permits. It certainly wasn’t that way when I was growing up. Cooking was woman’s work. I saw it as yet another reason to wish I had been born a boy. There were few “perks” to womanhood from my childish perspective at that point.

 

On the immigration questionnaire yesterday, the doctor needed to ascertain my previous profession and inquire into what I was interested in doing once I became a resident. I told him I had been a teacher, and he asked if I would be interested in doing that again. Judging from the news stories I have been reading about an impending province-wide teacher strike over a meager contract raise that is barely half the rate of inflation, an interesting thing in such an oil-rich place, I barely thought about it before telling him that no, I was going to be a writer. On the form he wrote “housewife”. I guess I know what he thinks, but in my opinion, learning to cook (I already know how to do laundry, clean and take care of the needs of a husband and child…..thanks ever so much), doesn’t make me a housewife anymore than it makes me Rachel Ray. I have found that cooking isn’t the onerous task I once thought it was when I gladly shirked it or ignored it completely. It’s just cooking because, well, we need to eat.