Parenthood


My father built me a sandbox when I was about three years old. It was deep and wide enough that I could sit right in it and still have room for the Tonka dump truck and a small collection of buckets and little metal cars.

I would dig and build for hours, constructing roads along the mountains and in the valleys of the lands my imagination and willingness to get dirty produced.

When Katy developed her inevitable affection for sand, digging and piling, I decided to get her a sandbox. I had wanted her to have one that was at least big enough to get in. However, I had only a small trunk to haul it and the only thing I could fit was one of those little turtle boxes that you see at Target or Toys R Us. The downside of being the only parent and a financially strapped one at that – no SUV.

I gave the turtle box away last summer before we moved. Katy had out-grown it physically and I thought we could just get her a new one once we were in our new home.

Last summer though we contented ourselves with the sand at the park.

This summer with renovations progressing at a fairly impressive rate (my opinion only – my husband is less pleased), the idea of a sandbox in the back yard came up again. I suggested buying one. With the truck, I reasoned, it would be easier to get one that was much bigger than the old turtle.

Rob was having none of that. He would build a sandbox.

Great, I thought. BabyDaughter would have a sandbox like the one I remembered and loved so much. Who doesn’t want her child to have the same wonderful memories of childhood?

The box is pink. Not as large as mine was but my dad was building a sandbox with three children (eventually four) in mind and Rob had just BabyDaughter in mind. With typical Virgo forethought and precision, he first selected and prepared the area where the box would rest. This meant clearing out hedges, transplanting bushes and when this was done it lead to the expansion of the garden.

The box was built quickly but in order to satisfy Rob’s need for long life, it required several coats of primer and then paint. He also wanted the lid the be tight and secure which meant hinges and latches. And of course, everything had to be level.

I think he began work on the sandbox at the beginning of June and finished just after we returned from holiday after July 4th. MidKid helped, as she has been doing with much of the yard reworking and siding project.

Towards the end of last week, I was given the task of final leveling and with MidKid’s help placed the box on its foundations.

We’d underestimated the amount of sand needed, but BabyDaughter was thrilled. We’d purchased a few accessories when we had the chance to visit Target in the U.S. (they simply have nothing up here that even compares with this type of retail) and with bucket, dump truck and bulldozer, she and MidKid christened the sandbox.

MidKid and BabyDaughter in the pink sandbox their Daddy built.

MidKid and BabyDaughter in the pink sandbox their Daddy built.

I wanted to sit and play myself, but I need to cut my nails first. I am so not okay with sand under the nails anymore.


The headline story on MSNBC this morning heralded the arrival of the Brangelina twins. I won’t go into whether or not such a thing is actually worthy of interest and can be called news, but it brought to mind an article I read recently that questioned whether being a parent was as fulfilling as we are led to believe.

That’s the mantra, right?

Having children completes us as women and enhances coupledom, but statistics don’t bear that out. Marriage/relationship happiness drops quite a bit with the arrival of the first wee one and doesn’t hit satisfaction levels again until the last child leaves home which is age 32 in Canada according to the latest research.

If BabyDaughter lives with us until she is 32, I will be 70 and Rob 72 before we are experiencing that post active parenting nirvana-like bliss. Angelina will be 65 in case you were wondering but she has the means to buy her freedom sooner.

Although Rob did suggest a freedom buy-out yesterday that might be worth exploring.  ElderD is sick of her cat lady roommate and is looking to rent a new place and of course MidKid needs a place, so why don’t we buy a little house in the city and rent it to them?

Yeah, one gets to that point which brings me back to the original question of contentment. Why are we over sold this idea that procreating and parenting bring us happiness when clearly it does not?

Well, maybe it does when you are a multi-millionaire acting couple with the means to purchase all the back up you need (and with six kids under the age of seven – that’s a small army of domestics – although DNOS’s MIL did it without an entourage).

Ordinary folk though? Living far from family. Working two jobs. That’s pretty much the norm now and I guess it shouldn’t be any wonder that as we stray farther and farther from the extended family model couples are less and less enchanted with the myth and feel constrained and stressed by their children.

Thoughts?


Julie Pippert is sponsoring an essay contests for writers who are mothers (although I think that anyone who has loved and nurtured a child might want to take a crack at this). Just follow the link.