marriage issues

Same Sex Marriage has Come to Iowa


The Iowa Supreme Court ruled today that the state cannot deny marriage licenses to same sex couples. While it’s not a surprise ruling because when the religious question is removed it is a simple case of discrimination based on sexual orientation that is clearly in violation of state law, it is a bit of a surprise to the born and raised Iowa girl in me. I am used to my home state being hopelessly mired in religious conservatism and other antequated “ism’s”. 

This last weekend we attended a family wedding. The bride’s sister and her fiancée put together the slide show of the mountain top ceremony for those who hadn’t been able to fly up to witness it. They are a very cute young couple, obviously in love and no different from any other couple a person might encounter in Iowa except for the fact that they are both women – something that until today was not done in Iowa. There are plenty of same sex couples there, but they were not able to bring their relationships to the state for “official” validation before today’s ruling.

People argue that marriage is just a piece of paper and that couples can have the same type of thing without the state’s sanction. I suppose they are technically correct, but without that “piece of paper” they do not have the same rights and protections that those with the paper enjoy and that is the real point. You are not married – however much you might protest that you are – without a formal declaration and a certificate to back it up.

Before I left my last teaching job, one of the teachers there and his partner celebrated their 20th anniversary as a couple.  That was two years ago. How wonderful for them if they would be able to celebrate their upcoming 25th as husband and husband.

My Husband the Yogi


“Why is it that I always marry women who nag me to exercise for my own good?”

I smiled in that way I know is adorable and replied,

“You are just a lucky man, I guess.” Read Full Article

Hit Me Over the Head Already


It’s Valentine’s Day and Rob is busy rearranging in the latest round of purge and conquer. He likes to listen to music while he works. Loudly. That’s why the stereo speakers in the truck are Bose and he can’t wait until winter is over and he can reclaim it from me.*

He loaded the cd player with a collection of compilation discs and we spent the afternoon going about our business and shouting to each other when necessary.

As I was preparing dinner, “the song” came on. The Everlast song that pops up and reminds me of Will. But I don’t take it as a sign anymore. It’s just a song that had meaning once but has no relevance anymore. It was an interesting song to come up on Valentine’s and nothing more.

A couple of songs later however, Mazzy Star’s Fade Into You began to play. Will chose that song for our first dance at our wedding reception. It’s been a long, long time since I have thought about it, let alone heard it.

“Okay, okay,” I thought. “Happy Valentine’s to you too.”

On Sunday I had to zip over to The Park early because I had volunteered to man the table our writing foundation had at the Winter Art’s Fair. Rob continued his restructuring by attacking the bookcases. We have a lot of books between us.** When I got home, he’d accomplished a lot and in his typical meticulous fashion had even inspected and dusted every single book and shelf.

“I found this in one of your books,” he said as he handed me a folded sheet of notebook paper. “It looks like a letter you wrote a long time ago to your friend, Fran, but you never mailed it.

It was dated February 16th, and as soon as I read the first lines, I knew exactly what year:

Dear Fran,

Just a quick note to let you know that Will and I are engaged. He asked me (on one knee) last night. Even though we’d been talking about it for a while, I was still surprised.

Now the songs made sense. The year was 1999. This year marks a decade. A significant passage of time in the whole anniversary scheme of things.

Sometimes I really do need neon flashing signs.

 

 

*I drive the Avalanche in the winter. It’s the safer vehicle.

**And several duplicates because, ironically, both Will and Shelley were huge Stephen King fans.