blogging

R*E*S*P*E*C*T


I think it is interesting, at times frustrating, to ponder why we loathe to be labeled as “mommy bloggers” while at the same time demand to be respected as “mothers”.

I ran across this sentence via a comment to a post on a blog written by Jessica Gottlieb that pondered the uncomfortable nature of blogging and being recognized. The commenter blogs anonymously, which is something I find fascinating but wonder at its feasibility in the long term. Regardless, her musing intrigued me because I don’t like the mommy-blogger label or the fact that as a woman writer, who happens to blog, that I have to be a mommy blogger in order to find outlets on the web. It is a social media glass ceiling of sorts that condemns women to shilling for wampum by trading their cute kid stories and making fun of their husbands.*

How?

Because I’ve put my uterus to work just the one time, this has somehow made what I think about anything not related to child-rearing, housekeeping and female related consumerism irrelevant. My experiences and perspective are tainted by marriage and procreation. I am clearly not in my right mind.

Clearly this would have been the case anyway, but the second part – about needing to demand respect for the whole luck of the sperm bagging an egg thing – is not something I can wrap myself around.

Because I don’t care.

When I was teaching, I had occasion here and there to point out to a recalcitrant child, or classroom full of them, that teaching was not a democracy. I would not be polling them for input nor did I need their approval. Teaching them was my job. My decisions were in the best interest of their learning, and sometimes they would not agree and that really didn’t matter.

Parenting is not a democracy. Polling others for what they would or wouldn’t do with your child is something that adults charged with rearing babies to competent, independent adulthood shouldn’t do very often, if at all. What you think of my parenting is your business because my business is raising my child with the values and skill sets that my husband and I have decided upon. Other people don’t get a vote.

And there is also the fact that creating a baby is something that almost everyone can do without too much instruction (although I couldn’t but that’s another story) and that some of dumbest people I have ever met have created, birthed and sort of raised children to a tenuous independence or even a brilliant state of grown up. It’s not quantum physics. Which is probably a really good thing.

I suppose though that there is a kernel of truth to the idea that there are those among the parenting set who feel disrespected for their efforts and zeal, but respect can’t be wrung out of those who wouldn’t have made your choices in similar circumstances. The eye of the beholder  looks in more than it looks out.

An interesting perspective.

*I can tell a cute kid story with the best of them, but zinging my husband? Seriously? What material object could possibly be worth your marriage?

New Year Meme List


Meme’ng is about the laziest blogging in the world, which suits me quite comfortably at the moment.

Rob found this at a site called The Gunfighter and posted his answers on Sunday. As it is in keeping with my “resolution” to list and review this week, I thought I would have at it too.

1.  What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

I traveled on a ferry, vacationed on an island and walked along the rocky shore of the Pacific Ocean. This was only the fourth vacation in my life that wasn’t family related and done just for the heck of it. The third such vacation was also this year when we spent a week at the timeshare in Fairmont Hot Springs, which also marked a first – swimming in a pool heated by a hot spring outdoors.

I also blogged for a paycheck.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I specifically did not proclaim any resolutions for 2009. I don’t believe there is anything magical about January 1st. Goals can be set whenever the need arises.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not close to me, but an old friend from my youth lost his mother just before Christmas. She was a lovely woman.
5. What countries did you visit?
Just the land of my nativity. My niece got married in October and we fly to Iowa for that.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

I don’t really lack for anything. Really. Oh sure, I could dream up a wish list of stuff, but nothing that is crucial for existence or even happiness. I have everything that is important and necessary. I am probably one of the luckiest people in the world in this regard.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Nothing stands out. I got my first paying writing job on Halloween, but  I don’t think I will remember that the way I do my wedding anniversary or my daughter’s birth. Just not in the same league.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting the job at Care2 was a big achievement and I had a piece that got syndicated from 50 Something Moms in November. I have progressed in my yoga to the point where I was accepted for teacher training this January and with hard work will have my accreditation in June. My current instructor has even told me that I am welcome to teach at her studio once I have my training completed. These are all big things.

But I think the most important things were personal. My relationship with Rob continues to deepen and becomes more amazing over time. I feel that the older girls and I have a closer bond and this pleases me a lot. I am starting to feel very at home in the community. I know people and they know me. Not that I would go so far as to say I have friends like I did back in Iowa (and let’s be clear – I have never had very many close friends. Just situational ones), but I feel like a part of things.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I haven’t finished the memoir or my novel. I am not sure this qualifies me as a failure however. Never get either one published would be more failure than simply taking forever to finish them.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

My ears have given me fits all year. I have inner ear difficulties that are aggravated by allergies and sinus trouble. I had H1N1 in early November and between that and the sinus/ear infection I got three weeks later, I was sick more than not until about mid-December. It greatly affected my yoga practice and my writing. In fact, I pretty much took a writing sabbatical from anything that I was being paid to do for the last six weeks of the year.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I basically bought groceries this year. Rob got me these great snow boats from MEC and a sweet little netbook that saves me from mommy hell on dance nights.

Oh, I did find a very nice pair of jeans at The Gap. Ashtanga yoga has really changed my shape (and it isn’t done yet). My bum is rounding and my hips are flattening and the jeans I had just were the wrong cut. As I don’t like to wear jeans that much anymore anyway, I was pleased to find this boyfriend cut that is soft and flexes like yoga pants. So, I guess I did spend on just me.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Within my family? Circle of friends? The world in general? I am confused, so I’ll pass.

13. Whose behavior appalled you?

I am disheartened by my countrymen who opposed anything that even smelled like nationalized health care. It would be so much better and simpler than the hodge-podge they might yet end up with.
The whole American attitude  towards those in need really stinks and the misery and uncertainty down south right now could almost be seen as divine retribution, if one believed in that sort of thing.
14. Where did most of your money go?

“Food, fuel, renovation supplies and materials, clothing.  Oh, and vacations.” is what Rob wrote and that pretty much sums it up.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I’m a Sagittarian with Sagitarius rising, so I get excited about everything. Getting my blogging job and yoga training jazzed me up. Our vacation in Victoria was a highpoint of bounciness. My netbook. I was selected for a poetry anthology. Being picked up for syndication. My niece getting married. My mom and aunt visiting over the summer.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

For a song to struck a memory chord with me it has to be tied to a person or event. The year doesn’t matter. Nothing like that came up this year.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder?  I am happy. I was happy last year too.
b) thinner or fatter? Oh, I am much more toned and cut a far more svelte profile.
c) richer or poorer? Financially? It’s relative, isn’t it? But I feel richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Write

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worried

20. How did you spend Christmas?

At home with the kids and Rob

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

I just fell more in love with my husband.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

I don’t watch TV.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No

24. What was the best book you read?

I read The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss. It’s a fantasy tome. His first work and it was wonderful. I delibrately friended him on Facebook so I can keep up with developments on the next book in the series. I haven’t been excited about a fantasy series in a long while, so this was quite the find.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

This was the year of the earworm. Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus. Nickleback. The Fray. O.A.R. David Cook. Ecetera, ecetera, ecetera…Insistent poppy melody. Nothing weighty or even semi-literate in a musical sense.

26. What did you want and get?

A netbook? I didn’t want that ferociously though. I just thought it made sense from a particular standpoint as my Macbook is showing its age. This seems more like one of those questions designed to elicit responses on deeply held dreams or life goals.

27. What did you want and not get?

Well, I didn’t win the lottery on Christmas Day. I even bought a ticket with the money Mom sent Rob and I for Christmas. She sent us a check for $5. We giggled about it and I decided to just blow in on the Lotto Max. I did win two free plays.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

The Star Trek prequel. It was popcorn and adrenaline and nostaglia.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Rob took a half day off and we spent it just the two of us at home. I will not elaborate futher. Later, we had dinner at Joey Tomatos in Sherwood Park. Got a sitter for Dee and braved the snow and cold. I was still recovering from my sinus thing though and wasn’t feeling all that well, but it was still lovely. Afterwards, Rob treated me to a chai at Starbucks. The next day, Dee and I made a cake and we mini-celebrated again.

Oh, and I got the coolest yoga gear and my amazing Kitchen Aid 7qt mixer.

The whole day rocked. And I turned 46.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

It would have been great if Rob had gotten the go ahead on his transfer because I want him to be happy with his work. Well, happier at any rate.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Fashion for me is yoga togs mostly

32. What kept you sane?

I never felt as though my sanity was a stake.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Fancy? In what respect? Confusion. Moving along.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

What political issue doesn’t stir me?

35. Who did you miss?

I don’t actually miss people. It’s a horrid personality flaw, but if I am happy in my reality, I don’t spend a lot of time wondering where people from my past are or what they are doing. I am glad to hear from people and see them, and I keep in touch with them, but missing seems to be an active longing, and I don’t feel that.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Jill, my yoga teacher. She has been inspirational.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

Well, this is deep, but I believe I posted about realizing that I am not a guru. I know what I know in relationship to me and am happy to share it, but I don’t give advice.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose

 Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

 

Happy New Year, y’all!

Top Tenning and Decade Reviews


The end of December and the first week of January are marked by review lists in the blogosphere. Normally these lists are confined to the previous months, but as most people believe we are beginning a new decade (we aren’t – technically the new decade begins in 2011), there are decade reviews as well.

As I struggle to get back into the personal blogging habit, I am tempted to phone it in with lists of my own. They are easy to write and easier to skim. I’ve blogged and readers scan. Win and win. But I am struggling with the concept because most lists of this nature are pretty darn vacuous. Movies. Television shows. Celebu-moments. The stuff of which People magazine and USA Today is made and that, in my opinion, is best confined to the periodical racks at grocery check-outs. But, it’s what people like to read. My dilemma as a blogger has always been writing about what I find interesting and what I know people in general find interesting.

People who end up at my blog accidentally find the following of extremely urgent interest:

1) Hairy bodies. Men. Women. Moms. Small animals.

2) Hairlessness. And you really don’t want a list of these search parameters, trust me.

3) Angelina’s emaciation skinny scary thin svelte secrets. And I can answer that: she doesn’t eat. Any time in my life I have been thin like that, it’s because I wasn’t eating. Bony-thin is not magic. It’s anorexic-like will power.

4) Middle-aged sex. Which just makes me scratch my head.

5) Widowed people falling in love or remarrying or re-coupling or dating or just thinking about dating.  As if somehow it’s different from divorced people or people who’ve never been married.

But I have been over them all at some point in the last 3 and 1/2 years.

The trouble with pop culture lists is that I don’t participate much in popular culture. Monk ended this year and not only would I not have known that if I didn’t have a Twitter stream, but I’ve never watched the show at all. A widower whose life is controlled by his grief as entertainment? I never got that. So I never watched. But I also can’t tell you much about what is good or bad (although apparently the Charlie Sheen sitcom, Two and a Half Men is atrocious to the point that watching your toe fungus grow is more entertaining).

I saw like two movies in a theatre this year. To my credit I do listen to the current pop/rock, but beyond succumbing to a tune or two by the earworms known as Taylor Swift and Nickelback, I don’t purchase music.

Although Eminem and Nickelback were named artist and group of the decade respectively, I have no idea who their competition was and I am surprised by the first choice because Slim Shady has been mostly absent for the last part of the “decade”. But if this was a vote or a critical acclamation (given the recipients I highly doubt the latter), I have no idea.

I don’t know what the favored clothing brand of the young is anymore. Aside from Snuggies, I don’t know what is a must have in blanket apparel either.

Shoes? I have heard that people are shunning Crocs but have no idea in whose favor.

Cars? It wouldn’t be an American brand, that’s for sure.

Mommy bloggers? I know this one. It’s The Pioneer Woman. I checked her blog out and if that’s pioneer life, we should all be living so rustically. Still, she has a slick-looking layout – the kind I am technically and pretty much uninterested in doing myself. I noticed that one of the things she is known for is the “harlequinesque chapterization of her love story with her husband”. I checked that out too and discovered I’d been there and done it, so I didn’t bother reading more than the last chapter. She represents my dilemma as a blogger in that 1) I can’t go full uterus and 2) I detest the idea of shilling/pimping promoting the American consumer lifestyle as realized by the privileged average mom.

I can’t do celebrity because I am completely out of touch with who is currently reigning. Okay, I do glance at the covers of the main rags at the grocery, but I don’t recognize anyone but Jennifer, Angelina* and Brad (who between the eye job and the grizzle is looking old), and this dates me something fierce.

I don’t read from the bestseller list in real-time because I don’t buy books much anymore and the wait time from the library is intense.

My dvd viewing is feast or famine and usually titles so old that I can’t believe I missed them the first time. Case in point: The Big Chill. Rob and I watched it recently and it has not weathered well. Aside from Kevin Kline, Meg Tilly and William Hurt, the performances are so-so and it totally reaffirmed my distaste for Boomers as a generation. I am a year and change too old to be technically considered Gen-X, but I cannot identify at all with my supposed generation.

There is always politics. A lot happened, as it always does, and a lot didn’t, which was no surprise. I expend my political outrage on Facebook these days which explains the fact that I am unfriended and/or ignored a lot. Social media is about as social for me as real life has always been.

Despite the above, I will endeavor to ten in my own fashion for the next few days. I have a post on personal resolutions of sorts in the works and I am going to take a single page from Pioneer Woman and create a page with all the links to posts about Rob and I and our, decidedly, non-rom/com romance. My gorge rises at the mere idea that we were in any way Harlequin, so you would be wise not to make the comparison should you choose to comment. However, doing this will no doubt delight the searchers who come here looking for a how to information on finding love and marriage again after widowhood.

Happy January 2010. A new “decade” is hopeful in the bright shiny way of all things yet to be realized.

*That child’s bony arms scare me more than Madonna’s gristle and bone forearms.