Father’s Day

As we were preparing Rob’s carb-laden breakfast in bed tray this morning, Katy diligently prepared the card she’d picked out for him, a Transformer theme with Optimus Prime on the front that said “Transformer, unite.”, or something like that.

I had written out what she wanted to say on another piece of paper and she copied it proudly.

I love you Daddy.

I had checked with her first on whether it was to be “Daddy” or “Rob”. She mainly calls him Rob but there are more and more instances of her addressing him as Dad or Daddy and she mostly refers to him that way.

She wanted to go with daddy.

“I need to practice saying daddy,” she told me.

Interesting. A few months ago she’d resolved to call him “Poppi” like Dora the Explorer does with her father. That really went nowhere. Now it is dad and with Jordan living at home again for a while, I don’t doubt that her calling Rob dad all the time will speed up Katy’s processing a bit more.

People who know our story – Katy’s and mine – like family and close friends – are thrilled that she has a father. They don’t seem to think that I have pushed Will, Katy’s biological father, out of the picture by allowing her to form a father/daughter relationship with my new husband. They see it as a win-win. I have found love and contentment and Katy has a father who loves her.

Given my own state of being as an adopted child, I don’t understand the whole “biology” thing. I have talked about this before. The people who love and care for you are family. The people who raise you are your parents. Biology is not a guarantee and its worship in our society leads to the devaluing of families who fall outside the “norm”, leading children who don’t have biological ties to their parents feeling “less than”.

I remind Katy still from time to time – and she me – how lucky we are to have had first Will and now Rob in our lives. We talked a bit about Will today at lunch. He liked to cook and she found this very interesting. She hasn’t forgotten him and is unlikely to do so. Both Rob and I keep Will very much alive for her through the wall of photos she has in her bedroom and our willingness to discuss him.

She isn’t the least bit confused and her early conflict has faded into an acceptance that this is just how our lives are. Children are much more capable of an expansive heart and an open mind than we adults are, I think.

8 thoughts on “Father’s Day

  1. What a lucky girl… Katy too. ;->

    There need be no blood or legalities to make a family. It’s how you treat each other. And you seem to have found something more than special. Makes me smile…

  2. I stumbled across your post and couldn’t leave without leaving a comment. Your story touched my heart. Children are so amazing. I know Katy has enough love for both Daddys. Step-parenting can be challenging, but sounds like Rob is simply wonderful. I also very much agee with family thoughts…

  3. I agree, the people who care for you are your family. I am closer to The Boyo’s family than my own. Biological families are just an accident of biology, chosen families are usually much closer.

  4. I agree with you. I’m closer to people I don’t share DNA with than those I do, and I’m not ashamed that “family” has nothing to do with genetics for me.

    🙂 HFD to your husband. 🙂

  5. you are such a wonderful family! thrilled to have stumbled upon your acquaintance! beautiful.

    dad always told my oldest brother and sister (whom he adopted) that “it’s not blood that makes family, it’s love and respect”. you’ve all got that down!

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